Sounds like it's a common problem. Some of the diodes are shorting the grounds. Evidently you can just desolder the diode that corresponds to the offending button, but I can't figure out how to trace it. Guess I'll just desolder them all.
I know there was a thread for this I can no longer find, but if anyone has entry-level soldering iron recommendations (and vacuums for that matter), lay 'em on me! Haven't used one since I lived with my parents but I'm sure it'll come back to me.
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