I went through it with some suggestions (see attached).
The first half was an overly descriptive, flowery, awkward mess, but I think my suggestions help a ton.
The second half (back at the apartment) didn't have this problem.
Is this based on that irl chick that plagiarized huge passages of her first book?(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaavya_Viswanathan)
Hm. As far as a story goes, I don't really understand why this guy is such a cocky douche. Did I miss something? What paper does he write for? I thought it was a University paper. I don't know, maybe those guys think they're hot shit or something...
I think the ending needs to be rewritten. Not changed, just rewritten so it's more clear. I wasn't sure if his roomy was just doing a story on her too, or if he'd stolen some stuff from him (which wouldn't make sense since the interview just happened) or if he was dating her or what. If it's meant to be a little twist ending, it certainly needs more twist.
Overall, it's not horrible, but I'm not sure there's much story there. Your writing kind of reminds me of Haruki Murakami, but I think you need to delve deeper into psychology and less into fashion/appearance descriptions.
The attached said 'read only' so tell me if my highlights didn't come out. Oh, in case my comments are confusing it goes like this: yellow = problem, following red = possible solution.