Death

[AstroBlue]

Everyone should be forced to listen to Ocean Breathes Salty.

I have seen a couple of people die, many people who are dying, it never gets easier.

[icarusfall]

My cousin died about 7 months ago. I hadn't seen her in at least a decade but we were all really close when we were young. My sister and I drove to Alabama for the funeral to represent our portion of the family - it's my fathers brothers child; dad couldn't go.

It was suicidally sad. Her and her husband had just had a baby 2 months earlier. And their other kid (about 5) was just sitting in the living room staring into the middle distance for most of the time we were there.

[James]

I kept hearing 'this is God's plan' and that usual spin, and to be honest it made me kind of angry. This is the worst thing that could ever happen to these two people. He was their world. Just seems a little wrong to try to paint the event with a pretty picture like 'he's in a better place now than any of us'...and I think I'd feel that way even if I believed. It's a tragedy. And it shouldn't for a second be imagined otherwise. But at the same time, whatever gives people peace of mind...

I know exactly what you mean by that. I grew up Christian (or at least was educated as such) and always knew that was a crock of shit. There's something about hearing stupid but well-meaning people lie to a family in mourning (and to themselves to boot) that really pisses me off.

I'm glad I don't have any recent death stories to share. It's only a matter of time, of course, but at the moment everything is running smoothly. Those of you who've lost someone have my deepest sympathy.

James

[Giga Power]

Thanks for the comments everyone.

Been focusing the most on his dad. All day yesterday he was calling the hospital, the funeral home, just doing anything that he could control. Makes me worry that when he finally snaps it's going to be a lot worse than his mom, simply because he hasn't let his emotions out yet. His mother screamed out the entire time I was there, and he was a rock. That's not going to last.

Funeral is probably going to be Tuesday. It's going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

[Geen]

My dad died three months ago come tomorrow. I still haven't fully realized it or have left myself grief yet. Unfortunally, like your uncle, I've kept busy working on things on his behalf (he had tons of debt and terrible records of his estate). There has been a few times where I want to break down, but I fight it. I know that's going to bite me in the ass in the end.
I wish you the best. It sucks that a 24 year old had a heart attack, of all things, and I hope that if there was anyone else that was close to him it'll at least be a wake up lesson to them to get a healthier life style. What a shame.

[MarsKitten]

Death is always weird for me, because I don't believe in God like most people. I spent several hours at his parent's house listening to family members try to comfort his mom. I can't even begin to say how completely helpless I felt. I mean you want to make them feel better by saying something, just being there, and offering to do whatever you can. But of course, it didn't feel like enough.

I kept hearing 'this is God's plan' and that usual spin, and to be honest it made me kind of angry. This is the worst thing that could ever happen to these two people. He was their world. Just seems a little wrong to try to paint the event with a pretty picture like 'he's in a better place now than any of us'...and I think I'd feel that way even if I believed. It's a tragedy. And it shouldn't for a second be imagined otherwise. But at the same time, whatever gives people peace of mind...

I never got this God's plan bullshit, whenever I heard it my family funerals it upset me greatly because it never really made sense, they just encouraged complacency rather than saying that death means you have to live well and happy.

[Advocate]

My dad died when I was 18. About 3 months after I graduated high school. He said he always wanted to see one of his kids graduate. I never got over it. I was there when he died. He had what the doctors said was 10 small heart attacks. He never wanted medical treatment. Yes he smoked and drank ... a lot. Background ... he was a landscaper for housing developers. So he got up usually around 3-4am and started to drink around 10am. Didn't stop till around bedtime, which is usually 9pm. He drank Vodka or brandy. The whole bottle was done by 3pm so he's have to go and get another LARGE bottle. He smoked about 2 packs a day. Yes we all know why he died, but I still have yet to fully recover from losing my dad.

My father's mom died two days later. She had luekemia and noone understood how she lasted as long as she did. When she was diagnosed years ago ... they gave her like 2 years to live ... 22 years later she died, cause she lost her son. I cried.

My grandfather died 6 years ago. he had Alzheimer's disease. He basically told my mom and grandmom he wants to go. That night he died. My mom was devastated and I was heartbroken for her.

My grandmom died 2 years ago and she went, cause she couldn't live another day without her husband. It was horrible. She lived near her end days in hospice care and at first they treat everyone well, but after about 6 months her care went down hill. Somedays she would be sleeping in dirty diapers and piss. It was terrible.

Like Rumpy said I get comfort through faith. I know why they died I know to some its hokey. But its not God's plan ... to those people I want to punch them in the face. And I hate the people that tell me "I know how you feel." BULLSHIT YOU DO, MOTHERFUCKER. BULLSHIT! My grandparents died, cause of health aka old age. My father died cause of not taking care of himself. What faith helps in is that knowing they are somewhere looking down on me and telling me that what I do everyday ... they are proud of.

That's what faith provides, knowing they are there. Like they were when they were alive.

[Frogacuda]

I'm not uncomfortable with people that find ways to comfort themselves in difficult times. Yes, it may well just be a complex form of denial, but it isn't really destructive. Faith does a lot of good things for people that can't find their peace without it, and that's mostly ok.

That said, I'm comfortable with the idea of death, both my own and others, and I try to live a life of few regrets, doing what I believe in, and pursuing what I find fulfilling, and that's enough for me.

[Samba De Amiga]

My grandma passed away almost 3 years ago. On Christmas she got pneumonia and just went downhill from there. Her body just shut down. I didn't get to see her or say goodbye because I was pregnant and they wouldn't let me go to her floor because they were scared of me catching something.

My daughter is her first great grandchild and she missed meeting her by only a couple of months. At her funeral there was a girl my age there from my grandma's work who was also pregnant. She pulled me aside after the funeral and told me how my grandma was so excited about my baby and that's all she would talk about. She told me she felt she knew me from how much my grandma talked about me.

Almost 3 years later and I still cry when I think about her. Some happy tears, some sad. She was the best woman I've ever known.

[Hubbitron]

GP: That is hard shit. It is righteous of you to spend time with your surrogate parents. The best thing you can to is share your grief.

Death is always weird for me, because I don't believe in God like most people.

Death is always weird for me too, but I do believe in "God". You always have to wonder what happens but you can't be sure anything does or does not.

I'm not uncomfortable with people that find ways to comfort themselves in difficult times. Yes, it may well just be a complex form of denial, but it isn't really destructive. Faith does a lot of good things for people that can't find their peace without it, and that's mostly ok.

Do you mean people fabricate a belief in life after death to console themselves? If they actually knew the outcome wouldn't they be that much more relieved? I just feel like being an atheist is totally valid but it takes as much faith to believe that something more does not exist. People tend to forget.


I'm Sorry if I misread you. It's just the way I perceived your attitude to the subject.



Advocate: My man I am sorry for that. I lost both grandparents this past winter. My Yia yia (grandma) 12/2/07 and Papou (grandpa) 2/12/08. It was horrible. The RUSH reference didn't make it easier. I realized it hit me as hard as my parents. It was very difficult to deal with as I spoke to my grandmother nearly every day. However I learned a hell of a lot about them through family members and friends that came to share the grief. I am a little more inspired every day.

As tragic as it is, her death taught me first-hand that anyone can die at any minute, and every second is a gift, so make sure you're a) ready and b) having a good time as often as possible. Even with her death, my mom continued to do what she always did while alive: showed me the right way to live. Preserving her memory is one of the most important things I can do.

This.