The Expendables

**Error** · 15 Aug 2010, 03:52 PM

Cheebs...you don't know who Eric Roberts is? Really?

And ya, the CG was all around pretty bad. But I personally didn't have a problem with the fire effects. Maybe I just wasn't looking that closely at that point.

And secondly, have you ever heard of a fuel air bomb?

**Advocate** · 15 Aug 2010, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by Error

And secondly, have you ever heard of a fuel air bomb?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thermobaric_weapon

**cka** · 15 Aug 2010, 04:54 PM

Originally Posted by Cheebs

On the other end of the scale, it was great to see somebody who can't act at all grace the screen of an action movie once again. Thanks, Randy. You did what you had to do.

too bad they didn't get matt hanon

**Thief Silver** · 15 Aug 2010, 05:20 PM

What the fuck did I just watch.

**Despair** · 15 Aug 2010, 07:24 PM

Fuck Yeah, this was awesome. Yes, CDG flames and some of the blood was bad, but also enjoyable in a cheesy way. But the rest was fucking excellent. I really didnt mind quick cuts, well except for the car chase, where it did get in the way, but the rest of the action, hand to hand and final enemy base massacre was amazing.

Will post in more details in a little bit.

**Razor Ramon** · 16 Aug 2010, 07:47 AM

Everyone who expected a serious movie is a dumbass.

**Dolemite** · 16 Aug 2010, 11:34 PM

As a standard, modern action film it was pretty decent. I mean, I was entertained. But as the homage to 80's action movies Stallone claimed it to be, it was a 100% complete failure. 2008's Rambo was a better movie. It had better action, too.

The problem was that The Expendables approached 80's action with modern storytelling and editing. It didn't work.

Random comment time, and a pre-emtive STFU to Despair when he gets mad that I didn't love the latest mindless action shitbomb that he's already jerked off to 500 times...

The movie was all Stallone and Statham. Crews, Li, Dolph, and Randy were basically glorified cameos. Very uneven since they were hyped so heavily in the trailers. I now think that Van Damme and Seagal made the right decisions when they turned roles down. They would have been treated as nobodies, also.

Randy Couture is the worst actor on the planet. He makes the retard that played Corky on "Life Goes On" seem like Patrick Stewart circa the scene in "Star Trek: First Contact" when the black chick calls him Ahab and he flips the fuck out. That was some good fucking acting.

The action involving guns and stuff blowing up was good. Crews' auto shotgun was awesome. It's like the Jesse The Body minigun for 2010.

Oh, and the plane blowing up the docks was pretty awesome, too. Actually, it was very awesome. I mean, fuck.

Loved all the knife kills.

The CG gore was bad...especially in shots where physical effects would have worked better. LOL @ CG Stone Cold on fire. The theater cracked up during that scene.

The editing of every hand-to-hand combat scene was AWFUL. Between the insane camera shaking and the rapid-fire edits and cuts, you COULD NOT TELL WHAT THE FUCK WAS HAPPENING. AT ALL. The Expendables is possibly the worst film I've ever seen in this regard. Terrible, especially when condsidering that all of these guys came from films known for complex, well-filmed fight scenes.

The story made almost no sense, and was all over the place. If you're setting out to make an 80's action movie, keep it simple, stick to the basics. Instead we get Stallone going back for some woman he met for 5 seconds, Eric Roberts as some bad guy...actually, I had no idea why he was the bad guy, or what the fuck HIS story was, or why he was able to push around Enrique Morales from Oz when the guy had an entire army backing him up and Eric just had Stone Cold.

Oh, and Statham's slut girlfriend cheats on him, then turns up with a bruise just so he can have a completely random scene where he beats up the new boyfriend and his 5 friends, and then the girlfriend is forgotten for the rest of the movie.

Oh, and Mickey with his HGH gut moaning about the girl he could have saved...actually, I didn't mind that scene so much. Dude's a good actor.

And THE SCENE...Sly, Arnold, and Bruce. It was okay. Arnold's enterance was hilariously great, with the light and all. Alas, he really looks like a grandpa now and his accent seems to have gotten thicker somehow. Bruce looked kinda fat. Sly was in insane shape for a 64 year-old, but he's on every drug in the book so it's no suprise. Still, the scene had some magic...or it would have, if the camera wasn't 3 inches from everybody's face during the entire scene. They could have shot that part with all three actors in seperate sets and no one would have known.

I like Jason Statham. The dude always beings the goods.

Stone Cold was good too. Total bad-ass.

Jet Li was bad, with his only lines being whining about needing money and "it not ee-she be-eeg shhmall." And again, a guy known for his complex fights is edited to death to the point that fucking Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern Show could have been his stunt double and no one would have been able to tell.

Dolph looks like total shit. I doubt he was actually playing a junkie in this movie, he probably was really high the while time. Sure seemed like it. Oh, and his character goes bad, gets shot, but then turns up at the end alive and forgiven? Fucking stupid.

Terry Crews was good in the 7 seconds he was given to do anything. His "Christmas" line made me laugh. I'm not sure why.

Oh, and Stallone comes up with the dumbest names in history. "Lee Christmas"? "Hale Ceasar"? "Yin Yang?" Is this a gay porno? wtf.

Well, I think I've rambled on enough. It's not as horrible as I made it out to be...at times, it was actually pretty good, but it could (and should) have been much better. Commando was a million times more bad-ass. The 80's are dead. Good night.