So, do you write?

[icarusfall]

I do. I write lyrics to songs you will never hear.

On an otherwise fine day, I went to IHOP to get some tea and write. What ended up coming out was very surprising:

Miss Nowhere-
I opened a vein in my wrist, and slid myself some fear.
This hypodermic is my way of remembering; my dear...
I opened up the causeways, and they dried up long ago.
This is just my little way of never letting go.

From banquet halls to bathroom walls, I never was the same.
Since my eyes met your chest, I swear that something inside fell.

The sunshine in your eyes tonight is big and bright, Miss Nowhere.
You told me once I made your world, we both know I fuckin' didn't.
I think I'm gonna' smile with this bullet meant for you.
Sealed with a kiss, and loneliness, my message might come true.

The sunshine in your eyes tonight is big and bright, Miss Nowhere.
You told me once I made your world, we both know I fuckin' didn't.
You're gonna' die and I'm gonna' cry, to make me feel all better.
And when you're gone make sure to stop, and take my memories with you.




This was written about a girl I haven't seen in 2 years.
Criticism, and the such are always welcome.

Anyone else have anything of their own?

[Tommy Tallarico]

I'm all for poetry having a sense of style, but choppy isn't really a style.

[icarusfall]

How do you mean choppy?

Remember, they're lyrics and as such, should be heard with the accompaniment.

[Tommy Tallarico]

Originally posted by phoenix angel wing
How do you mean choppy?

Remember, they're lyrics and as such, should be heard with the accompaniment.

So why did you post them?

And they're choppy because it hurts to read it, there's no flow whatsoever. Any good song still looks good on paper.

[icarusfall]

Well, like I said, criticism is always welcome.

I posted them just to see what people thought, and to start a thread.

[Luke]

I'd have to agree, they are rather choppy.

Keep writing.