The 1st TNL Epic: The Search for TeamGO Pt 5: Revelations & Confrontations Part Uno

[Ragnarok the Red]

Well, here it is, the oft-delayed 5th part of the epic with more cameos than you can shake a mad cow at! Sorry about the wait, I'll try to have the next part up before six weeks have passed

In the meantime, before we proceed, if you feel the need to give yourself a refresher course on what's going on, you can review the previous parts of the epic at these links:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

I'm afraid the cutoff for cameos in THIS epic have already passed, as I will be wrapping it up shortly. However, if you'd still like to appear in the NEXT one, you can post at the following link:

The Epic cameo page that just won't die

And now, on to Part 5!


(As we last left you, Team TNL had just come to a horrifying discovery, the individual who assaulted and kidnapped TeamGO was none other than ECM, former head dwarf of Gamefan and GameGO magazines. Having just used his awesome fighting powers to just level Gamefan's old office building in Agoura Hills, CA, he now comes face to face with the wrath of Team TNL...)

Korly: OK, who gets first crack at kicking his ass?

Others: ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!

Aurora: Who gets first crack at licking his ass?!?

Silent others: ........

Aurora: Yay! I have first dibs!

Chibi Nappa: Way to kill our masculine rally, Aurora.

Aurora: Your cute when your angry, Nappa-poo.

Chibi Nappa: Grrr...

Bahn: ENOUGH! Its time to settle this matter... *clamps on spiked wristbands* Time to get down to bidness...ECM, lets rumble.

ECM: Mrehe.... *crouches and prepares to strike*

Brotherman: Bahnny, show 'em how we rumble down in da hood!

Bahn: Uhh, actually Brother, I grew up on Manhattan.

Brotherman: Oh...well shake him and stir him like a Manhattan martini!

Bahn: Err...

Chibi Nappa: Your killing his pre-fight psyching up, Brother.

Brotherman: Shutthefuckup, foo!

Chibi Nappa: *sniff* I only want to be loved....

Aurora: I still wuv you, Nappy!

Chibi Nappa: ....I reiterate, I only want to be loved.

Aurora: *sigh* Well, at least I'll always have you Ragamuffin....Raggy?

Ragnarok: *playing Megaman.EXE on his GBA* Huh? Wuzzit?

Bahn: Enough with these offbeat shenanigans! Less talk, more asswhuppin! *pounces on ECM*

(To save a lengthy and boring telegraph of another fight, which went over SO WELL in the first part of the epic, lets all just watch this KOF GIF and pretend its the two of them going at it or something. http://www.gamingmatrix.com/kofonlin...reByZephyr.gif. After each takes it up the ass...)

Bahn: HEY!

(Err, I mean, takes an ass-pounding.)

Aurora: I prefer the former.

(Shut up. After each takes a pounding, the fight comes to a standstill, neither the leader of Team TNL nor the former leader of Gamefan magazine able to gain the upperhand.)

Bahn: Unngh...now I know why they once called you...the patron saint....of the hardcore gamers.

ECM: Mre.......heh.....

burgundy: This isn't good, Bahn's the best hand-to-hand combat fighter on our squad. If he can't best ECM, then...

Despair: Can I cut him apart with my sword?

Nash: Can I plug him in the crotch with my beretta?

Aurora: Can I bleed him dry of his manjuice?

Mr. K: I can let innova chew on his head awhile.

innova: RUFF!

burgundy: This eagerness of you guys to kill ECM in the most gruesome manner possible both disturbs and intrigues me...but no, we have to find out where he's stashed TeamGO, we've got to take him alive...AND INTACT!

Despair: Awww...I promise I'll only take off one limb!

burgundy: No.

Despair: Pwease?

burgundy: NO! DJ, calm down your dad's homicidal urges...

Despair Jr.: Remember that day on the lake, dad, when I took you fishing? Remember that? Didn't way have fun?!

Despair: No...I wanted to shoot the fish with the Twins, and you wouldn't let me. *pouts*

Despair Jr.: Thats because the park ranger threatened to ban us from the grounds permanently if he caught you doing that again. Isn't it more fun catching them with fishing rods?

Despair: I miss the taste of gunpowder in them when we cook them....don't you miss that son?

Despair Jr.: Well, yeah, but you can always just shoot them after we've caught them with the fishing rods can't you?

Despair: I never thought about it like that...thanks son! *hugs DJ*

Despair Jr.: I love you dad! *hugs Despair*

Chux: *BLECH*

burgundy: Well, at least it calmed him down.

Bahn: OK...rested up....ready for round two, ECM?

Voice: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

Bahn: Wha...?

Voice: ECM! CAPTURE THEM NOW, I COMMAND YOU!!!

Shidoshi: That voice...the same one at E3 over the PA...

ECM: Mreheh... *procures and tosses several cans of gas*

Bahn: *COUGH* Everyone...run... *thud*

burgundy: Boss... *thud*

EThugg: Where the hell...did he pull those from... *thud*

Master: Don't think I...wanna know.... *thud*

(Several other *thud*s follow as the gas takes its effect and the TNL team members succumb to it.)

Despair: *COUGH* DJ...run...get help...

Despair Jr.: Ah....ok.... *runs like the wind*

Despair: Attaboy... *thud*

Voice: MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

(Hours pass, and the members of Team TNL, sans DJ, slowly regain consciousness and find themselves in a rank, odor-filled pit not unlike the bathroom of a frathouse on a Saturday night...)

S I C: Ohhhh...my head. It hasn't hurt this much since I partaked of some of Master Yoshi's Jedi Moonshine...

andyrose: Jedi....Moonshine?

S I C: How else you think Jedi's earn a living?

andyrose: Yeah...but illegally distributing alcohol with a high liquor proof doesn't exactly fit in with the motto of the Order of the Jedi Knights...more like the Order of the Al Capones.

S I C: You want I should stick this lightsaber up your rectum?

andyrose: Strike me down now and I will...

S I C: SILENCE!!! Only Jedi, Padawan, and redeemed Star Wars geeks my utter that phrase without being subject to Lucasverse Martial Law!

andyrose: Sorry...

Bahn: Anyone know where we are?

(A rank, odor-filled pit not unlike...)

Bahn: Shaddup.

Rick: Seems to be an old dungeon, judging from the moss covered brick walls and the half-decomposed corpses hanging limply from the walls. Very RPG-ish...

Bahn: As soon as you stop admiring this place from an aesthetic point of view and start figuring out a way to get out of here, lemme know.

Seik: Rags, can't you just warp us out of here with your author powers or something?

Ragnarok: Err...well, normally I might be able to but this place, ahh...has a special, anti-*POOF* magic surrounding it. Yeah, thats right.

Silent Rick: ......

Seik: I see....*sniff, sniff* Hey, do you smell that?

Ragnarok: Smell what?

Seik: The bullshit thats coming out of your cakehole!

Ragnarok: Oh be quiet, I'm the author here, and I can use whatever convenient plot devices I want!

Seik: Is that so? Then tell me, oh-mighty-author, how the hell are we getting out of here?!

Ragnarok: 3...2...1... *BOOM*

(Suddenly, a loud explosion rocks the room, and the far dungeon wall tumbles down before the might of a massive 4X4 postal vehicle crashing into it.)

Posty: *Mighty Mouse tone* HERE WE COME TO SAVE THE DAYYYYY!!!!

Shidoshi: POSTY!

Posty: 'sup Doshi. Long time no see...

Despair Jr.: Hi dad! I brought help, just like you asked!

Despair: *sniff* Thats my boy...

Posty Jr.: Luckily, DJ and I keep in touch over telegraph! When he sent me the SOS via morse code, we came a running!

Posty: Yeah, and lookey here, more TNL team members!

Melf: Why didn't you fuckers wait for me? You know I had to paddle across the Gulf from Puerto Rico just to get here! Didn't help that Ryu here had some burritos before we left.

MajinRyu: Hey, your the cheap prick that wouldn't spring the extra cash for the beef and told me to just get the bean ones!

arjue: Well, I had to stow aboard a plane from Australia just to get here! Doesn't help a baby koala was stuck in my shorts the whole trip...

xS: Tryin flying out here from the Middle East sometime, damn sand gets in everything, I'm still wiping it outta my asscrack!

S I C: Try skateboard surfing off Niagra Falls sometime as a shortcut and see if you don't break a few limbs.

Lord Perrin: Rags, why didn't you phone me up you damn Tex-ass-an? What, your Okie friend isn't good enough for ya?

Werewolf: You know I had to transform into lupine form and run across the coast here?

FigherX: Carrying me on his back, no less.

Hero: Hey, I just promised Posty sexual favors, which I don't plan on delivering, for a ride...

Posty: Sez you, pretty boy...

Hero: *gulp*

88mph: Who's that in the back?

Posty: Oh, that's Xeno Gigas, we picked him up from his porch while he was outside smoking a fattie.

Xeno Gigas: You still owe me them munchies, Posty!

Posty: Yeah...we'll swing by a 7-11 or something after we're done saving TeamGO. *rolls eyes*

Xeno: Damn straight.... *fires up bong*

Bahn: Why did you feel the need to pick him up? He's stoned out of his mind!

Posty: Hey, no adventure's complete without the resident pot addict to make pre-pubescent, drug-related humour around.

Xeno: Dude, anyone wanna toke?

Brotherman: Gimme a hit 'o that shit, dog...

EThugg: Pass it over here when your done!

Master: Don't even think about it.

EThugg: Your no fun...

innova: AWWWOOOO!!!! *PANT PANT*

Mr. K: Down boy! No funkadilic plant stuff for you....

innnova: GRRR!!! RUFF RUFF!!!!

Bahn: Fantastic, we're in the last stages of a rescue mission and everyone wants to get high.

Ragnarok: On the plus side, this is an excellent opportunity to close out this part of the epic while we all, err, take a little smoke break. Narrator, if you would...

(Gladly. Anyhow, after being briefly captured, and soon freed, Team TNL settles down for a short break before embarking on the last leg of their journey. What sinister presence is behind ECM and the kidnapping of the TeamGO members? Perhaps we'll find out in the next chapter. In the meantime... *inhales*....party on dudes!!! Rock...)

TO BE CONTINUED!

[bahn]

Bwahahah!

[Josh]

Good times...

[MVS]

I'll lend my name to part 6. Provided I'm still around.

[Wildcat]

*notices he's MIA*
Hey!
Nice work as usual. BTW, wasn't Hero captured in Part 1? Somehow he's back...and SIC and Chemist are the same person. Just thought I'd let ya know. Keep up the good work Ragnarok.

[Ragnarok the Red]

Originally posted by Wildcat
BTW, wasn't Hero captured in Part 1? Somehow he's back...

I just like abusing Hero in the epic

and SIC and Chemist are the same person. Just thought I'd let ya know. Keep up the good work Ragnarok.

So noted and corrected, thanks for the 411 on those, Wildcat

[Wildcat]

Anytime my friend.

[arjue]

Bahahahaha

Great stuff, red. I wasn't expecting to see my name in there!

[Space Pirate Roberts]

Originally posted by Ragnarok the Red
Lord Perrin: Rags, why didn't you phone me up you damn Tex-ass-an? What, your Okie friend isn't good enough for ya?

[Despair]

Awsome Great laughes Great job Rag.

I like to shoot fish too !!!