1st TNL Epic: The Search for TeamGO Pt. 6: Revelations & Confrontations Part Tres

**Ragnarok the Red** · 21 Sep 2002, 02:37 AM

Err...ok, the NFL hadn't even started its pre-season yet when I did the last part of the epic and we're now in the second week of the regular season. So ummm...how 'bout them Cowboys?! AHHHHH!!!

*ducks as TNL members start casting stones at him*

OK, OK, sorry it took so long, but "THE FUNNY" has just not been with me the last few weeks and having "THE FUNNY" is very important when it comes to writing these things. Here's the previous parts of the Epic in case anyone needs to run a refresher course...

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5

So, without further ado, here's Part 6, enjoy!

(As we last…ummm….what where we doing again? Oh, yeah yeah, as we last left our heroes they were taking an extended break from the action and played a little game of pass the bong. Hold up, my turn’s coming. *inhales* Yeahhh…. Uhh, so, on with the dialogue, then…)

MechDeus: Oh…man…this so beats working…

Bahn: What was that?!

MechDeus: Uhh, I said I’d rather be working right now…you know, writing articles for the site, trying out new templates, upping my post count on the forums…err, scratch that last one.

Bahn: Uh-huh...you know, I'd try that new 51 hit combo I've been working on out on you right now if I weren't so damned stoned...

88mph: Thanks again for giving him the most hits with that thing, Xeno...

XenoGigas: Eyyy, I know who wears the pants in this TNL family...

Other TNL Mods: HEY!

Bahn: Its good to be the King...

burgundy: Does that make me the Queen?

Aurora: No, I'm afraid I already wear that crown.

burgundy: Dammit! Can I be the little Princess then? PWEASE?!

Bahn: OK, burg, now go fetch daddy's slippers.

burgundy: Yes daddy! Tee-hee!

XenoGigas: Wow, this is some potent shit...

Master: You don't know the half of it...

EThugg: *dancing* Its rainin' men! Hallelujah! Its rainin' men!

Aurora: *joins in*

station82: *makes it three-way*

Rick: I am simultaneously appalled and strangely allured. Nappa, shall we?

Chibi Nappa: Fuck no. And don't touch me either.

Wildcat: I'll jump in with you and dance, Rick, if I can hump your leg afterward...

Rick: I thought only canines did that?

Wildcat: Well, I've always had a little bit of dog in me...and besides, would you rather Werewolf or Innova be doing it instead?

Werewolf & Innova: *pant and wag tails in anticipation*

Rick: *grabs Wildcat's hand* Lets dance!

Werewolf: *tail droops* Oh well, Innova, mind if I sniff your ass instead?

Innova: Arf!

Werewolf: I'll take that as a yes...

Bahn: My God, I had no idea there was so much pent-up homoerotic emotions in my motely little crew here that only psychosomanic drugs could bring to the surface.

XenoGigas: Yes, behold the amazing powers of pot...

Ragnarok: OK, who wants to play a game of strip poker?!

Bahn: Alright that tears it, I'm gonna take a nap, wake me up after everyone's been sufficiently detoxed or whatever...

XenoGigas: Err, what about you? You took more hits than anyone else.

Bahn: Fool, I am the all-powerful admin, such trifle things as a drug overdoses do little to slow me down. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna eat this can of Pringles and catch some Zs.

XenoGigas: Err, Bahn, those are my...*watches as he inhales contents of the entire can*...chips...

Bahn: *BURP* Ah, that hit the spot, thanks man, here, have a free TNL e-mail account...

XenoGigas: Uhh, thanks...

(half a day passes as the team's drunken...err, stoned revelry passes and the Mary Jane filters its way through their systems)

Ragnarok: Mary Jane?

(Shaddup, I'm old fashioned. Besides, having just orchestrated that little game of strip poker, your the last one to be lecturing anyone.)

Ragnarok: Touche...ah, looks like everyone's coming around.

station82: Oooh, my head...it hurts so...and I can't get that song out of it either.

EThugg: Oh, man...what is this weird aftertase in my mouth?

Silent Aurora: .....

EThugg: Oh, dear God, Aurora you didn't...

Aurora: Tee-hee! Well, I'll leave you to wonder about that...

EThugg: Master, mouthwash, STAT!

Master: I, err... *snicker* Left it back in the car.

EThugg: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Bahn: OK, guys, I enjoy watching EThugg suffer as much as anyone, but we really should be going, so we can save TeamGO, and Rags can finish this fucking epic and move on to a better storyline.

Ragnarok: HEY!

Bahn: It had to be said, man...

Ragnarok: Grrr...

(So the group assembles together and climbs up from the dungeon, finding themselves in a massive, oval shaped room, with a throne at the far corner, and a shadowy figure seated upon it...)

Melf: So...this is where their being held...TeamGO, I hope their ok.

Silent Wildcat: ......

????: Ahh...welcome to my humble abode, TeamTNL...my dwelling...AND YOUR TOMB!!!

Master: Who...who said that?

????: I'm so glad you could come...your right on time too, I've been eagerly expecting your arrival.

Shidoshi: That voice...it can't be...

????: Yes...Shidoshi...and Posty...the ones that got away. I'm so glad you too have come to be reunited with YOUR friends too...

Shidoshi: Reunited...what does he mean, Posty?

Posty: I forgot to tell you, 'Doshi, following the collapse of GameGO, all the old staffers...well, they started disappearing, for whatever reason, until only you and I were left. I knew you'd be safe with Team TNL, so I went into hiding till you guys were ready for the showdown.

Shidoshi: You mean Team Gamefan is...

????: Yes...in here with me. Thanks in part to the assistance of your old boss...

ECM: Mreheh...

Shidoshi: ECM! Why?!

????: He can't answer you, little Anime editor, he has been bound to my power...for I am...BLOWMESITER!!!

Posty: I knew it...evil never truly dies, does it? I thought we finished you the last time Blowmeister.

Blowmeister: Well, its hard to keep a good villain down, wouldn't you say? And besides...my plan is almost complete.

Shidoshi: What corrupt, harebrained scheme have you concocted THIS time?

Blowmeister: Nothing much...just acquiring every 3rd party game developer in existence and crush the game industry under the heel of my boot!

Team TNL: YOU BASTARD!!!

Blowmeister: AHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! Indeed...

Bahn: And how, exactly, did you intend to do this?

Blowmeister: My development of bad games which continue to flood the market continues...Britney's Dance Beat, the Army Men series, Star Wars Episode 2 for GBA, the Deer Hunter games...all games created very cheaply by dummy companies set up by Blowmeister Incorporated, using programmers held against their will.

Posty: How vile...intentionally flooding the marketplace with crappy titles made with almost no development costs and sell for huge amounts of profits....you've thought this through.

Blowmeister: AHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! Yes...and with the fortune I've amassed, I now have the funds to purchase EVERY SINGLE GAME DEVELOPMENT STUDIO THERE IS! And no more quality titles will see release on the market...no more Castlevanias, no more Resident Evils, no more Final Fantasies... I WILL OWN THEM ALL!!!

Werewolf: No...we won't let that happen!

Despair: Does...this mean what I think it does, son?

Despair Jr: Yes, Dad, no Devil May Cry 2...

Despair: DIE!!!

(Despair draws his sword and leaps at Blowmeister, intent on causing him much pain and agony...)

Blowmeister: Fool... *points fingers and lightning leaps from the tips*

Despair: ARRRRRGH!!! *flies into corner of room*

Despair Jr: DAD!

Despair: God...that was so...fucking...stupid... *passes out*

Chemist: I knew it...your plan to conquer the games industry, brainwashing ECM, kidnapping TeamGO...only a Sith Lord could be so diabolical!

Blowmeister: MWAHAHAHAAAA!!! Very perceptive, young Padawan...but you are not a Jedi yet. When Team Gamefan had foiled my plans for the umpteenth time, I realized, as I was, I stood no chance against them. So I gave myself to the Dark Side and studied the arts of the Sith. No longer am I just Blowmeister, you shall call me by my title as Dark Lord of the Sith...

(The dark energies gather around Blowmeister, transforming his three-piece suit into armor, black as night, and a long, flowing cape.)

Blowmeister: I am...DARTH BLOWME!!!

Team TNL: ......BWAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Darth Blowme: STOP LAUGHING!!!

Shidoshi: Ah...*wipes tear from eye*...Blowme...heeehee...you crack me up sometimes.

Darth Blowme: Grrr...

Posty: So you changed your name, got some new digs, and aquired a few new paranormal powers...its not gonna change the outcome, Blowmeister, we've whupped your ass in the past, and we're going to do it again.

Darth Blowme: Ahh...my foolish, government-employed foe, you've merely scratched the surface. I have a new identity, new costume, new super human powers...AND AN ARMY OF SLAVE WARRIORS AT MY COMMAND!!!

Bahn: What...

Rick: No...he can't mean...

Darth Blowme: Come forth, my warriors!

(Suddenly, on either side of the Dark Lord's throne, two large doors which had perfectly blended into the wall open, from one emerges the whole of Team Gamefan...and from the other, TeamGO!)

burgundy: It...can't be...

Evile Mr. Goo: Mweheh...

Evile E. Storm: Mweheh...

Evile Eggo: Mweheh..

burgundy: Err, mebbe they'll be better on the other side...

Evile Richter: Mweheh...

Evile Spiff: Mweheh...

Evile Hero: Mweheh...

Lord Perrin: Wait a minute...if Hero's over there...then who's this over here?

Silent Hero?: ......

Aurora: AN ENEMY SPY!

Anti-Hero: No, no, no...I'm not an evile spy. I'm Anti-Hero, Hero's little brother. Jeez...

Lord Perrin: You look just like him...hard to believe you guys aren't twins.

Anti-Hero: Yeah, well, I'm 3 years younger, and he's babyfaced. Whatcha gonna do?

Chux: Your mom's not very original when it comes to names, is she?

Anti-Hero: You don't know the half of it, our little sister is named Heroine.

Korly: *groan*

Seik: Uhh...guys, I hate to bring this up, but our brainwashed companions are slowly closing in on us, I would assume, to inflict very slow and painful deaths upon our persons. I think its strategy planning time.

Bahn: Right...burg, what's the plan?

burgundy: What plan?

Bahn: Your my fucking strategist, man! You should have had ample time in those 30 seconds it took to discover Anti-Hero's identity to come up with something that will save our collective bacons!

burgunday: Oh...err...right...ummm...I think we should just kill them all then, you guys cool with that?

Bahn: DAMMIT, burgundy! Is this what I pay you the big bucks for?!

burgundy: *raises eyebrow*

Bahn: Umm...nevermind. Fuck it, then, I'll think of something. Just hold them off while I do, and for God's sake, don't KILL any of them! Their our friends, they've just been brainwashed by Blowfish over there.

Darth Blowme: It's BLOWME!!! DARTH BLOWME!!! Get it straight you little...

Bahn: Whatever.

burgundy: OK, guys, lets hold them off then. DJ, if you can promise me your dad won't go on a homicidal killing spree, maybe you should use some smelling salts to wake him out of that coma he's in.

Despair Jr: Ummm...in that case, mebbe we better let him sleep a little longer.

Posty: Blowmeister! If you kidnapped and brainwashed Team Gamefan along with TeamGO, why didn't you take Shidoshi and I too then?

Darth Blowme: I figured I could do without the services of an obsessive, Japanimation-watching, Otaku-wannabe fruitcake...

Shidoshi: HEY!

Darth Blowme: ...and a psychotic, disgruntled, postal service employee.

Posty: Why, thank you...

Darth Blowme: Enough of these needless diatribes...I think its time for you...TO DIE!!!

88mph: Gotta admit, he's got some decent one-liners.

(The brainwashed members of Team Gamefan and TeamGO start closing in on our heroes...)

Chux: Spiff, this is gonna hurt you a lot fucking more than its gonna hurt me... *punches him out*

Posty: Post-Fu, HI-YA!!! *kicks Eggo in the gut and send him flying*

Shidoshi: Posty, mebbe we should have someone more Eggo's size take him on.

Posty: Hey, you know I like to beat on midgets, man.

Aurora: Oh my...

Shidoshi: Err, Posty, mebbe you had better rephrase that.

Posty: Ah, yeah, I meant to say I like to beat UP midgets.

Aurora: Awww...

Bahn: OK, guys, I've got a plan!

Darth Blowme: A pity you won't get a chance to use it...ACTIVATE OMEGA CONTINGENT!!!

EThugg: Omega wuzzit?

Wildcat: *karate chops Bahn in the back of the neck*

Bahn: Unngh... *thud*

burgundy: WILDCAT?!

Rick: Man...what the HELL?!

Evile Wildcat: ....mreheh...

Chibi Nappa: Aw shit...

Lord Perrin: I guess there was an enemy spy after all...

Darth Blowme: MWWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!! You fools...didn't you ever stop to think that it was just a LITTLE convenient that Wildcat happened to get away while ECM dispatched the rest of TeamGO without even breaking a sweat?

Brotherman: Err...now that you mention it...

Darth Blowme: The little kitty cat was captured too...and I brainwashed him like the rest, only I didn't have him directly under my control until now, no, I planted it as a codeword-released mechanism in the back of his brain, and had him lure you all here.

burgundy: So...the kidnapping of TeamGO...and Team Gamefan...was just to lure us all out here to fight them?! WHY?!

Darth Blowme: Because I knew, that sooner or later, I would have to deal with the force known as Team TNL, dedicated to protecting the world of video games everwhere. But if we were to have a showdown we will have it HERE on MY TERMS!!! And now...without your leader...fighting friends you can't bring yourselves to kill...you will all DIE AT THEIR VERY HANDS!!! AHAHAHAAHAAAAAA!!!

burgundy: Oh, fuck me...

Aurora: Wow, you really can do it anywhere!

Farfus: Aurora, this isn't the time! Rags, what are we gonna do?!

Ragnarok: Well, I guess we'll just have to wait for the next part of the Epic, the conclusion, to find out...

Others: Dammit, Rags!

(And so, with their leader out of commission, outnumbered by their encroaching, brainwashed friends with murderous looks in their eyes, Team TNL faces a desperate crisis. What can be done? Well, you'll have to wait till the next part, the conclusion of The First TNL Epic: Evile TeamGO and Evile Team Gamefan vs. Team TNL!!!)

TO BE CONCLUDED...