Cowmies vs. Azalia (The Saga Continues. Again)

[Chris]

*0300 Hours, Just off the coast of Sydney Harbor Naval Base*

'This is Bovine Warrior Leader to the Bovine Home. We have the harbor in our sights.'

'Roger that BWL, you have permission to commence attack.'

<Suddenly wihtout warning, wava after wave of Aircraft descend upon the Naval Base, catching the fighting Azalians unawares. Within minutes the ships stationed there are sunk or crippled, as hundreds of helicopters, gunship and transport, fly over towards the heart of Sydney. Within in an hour the great city of the once proud Azalian nation is captured, with minimal losses to the assaulting Cowmie forces.>

*0445, Supreme Cowmander Chris' Secret Lair*

'Sir,  Sub-Cowmander Bessy reporting on the Assault on Azalia.'

'Yes? How did it go'?

'Better then expected sir. We completely demolished the fleet stationed at the Harbor, wiht only two planes downed, and we were able to completely takeover Sydney within an hour, losing only7 Helicopters and minimal losses to our men.

We're fortifying the city against apossible counter-attack, and now going door to door looking for weapons or anything else that might be used agianst us.'

'This is good news indeed. It appears that the great Chairman was not expecting this. You are dismissed.'

<As the young Bessy leaves, Chris is left pondering what has happened, and planning future strikes against the Azalian and defenses against the counter-attack that is sure to come...>

[Maus]

Does this mean we gotta open the cryo-vault and thaw out the Bovinoraptors, the Bossysaurus Rex, and EinsatzGruppe Sweetpea?  

[Dark Shinji]

*Wonders where Chris got the idea of making his rank Supreme Commander.  Hmmmm...I got an idea.*

What is a Lt. Supreme Cowmander?  Shouldn't that be something like Sub-Commander?  Just like Sub-Commander Fuyutski from NGE?

[Gigo]

or Sub-Commander T'pol.  

<swoons>

[Dark Shinji]

or Sub-Commander T'pol.  

<swoons>

That'll work.

But she's a Vulcan in the show.  But in real life that's different.

Drool all you want over the actor.

[Gigo]

Hell no! I want my Vulcan! It's those ears...  

[Dark Shinji]

The elf-like ears?

[Gigo]

<drools>

[Dark Shinji]

Ok.  In just 5 posts this thread is already off topic.

This must be a new record.

Now give it up for us posters.

[Eddy]

Eddy walks in with a rather laughable pump action BB gun.  (You have to pump it for the gun to fire using the air pressure).

This is an inspiration!

I'm taking Can*da down baby!!!  Starting with their national capital of Toronto!

Eddy charges out the door yelling and screaming hysterically waving the BB gun like a sword!

BANZAI!!!

Upon reaching the border, our intrepid hero sends a group of Japanese tourists scrambling for their cameras.  Several agents of Das Reichenstag Homeland Security are watching a possible terrorist but since I'm going the other way, they don't care.

The Can*dian defense force rushes out to meet their greatest threat.  Unfortunately, even a 87 year old meter maid is no (major) threat to Eddy!

SURRENDER YOUR CAPITAL OF TORONTO OR WATCH ME THROW THESE EMPTY SANDWICH WRAPPERS ON YOUR PRISTINE STREET!!!  AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Umm, sir, the capital of Can*da is Ottawa.

Enraged, Eddy fires the (fortunately only half ready) BB gun.  A bb comes flying out and goes almost 12 feet (9 feet of which is when it hit the ground and rolled).  The little old lady is not harmed and runs off screaming about an invading army causing the normally orderly people to panic.  Well, ok, not really panic, but one little girl did gasp a little although it could have been an ice cream headache.

In a short ceremony, the people of Toronto surrender!  Next stop?  That city with the big funky looking building!

[Dark Shinji]

Though I think Canada has a decent military.  Considering they did help out a lot in World War I (which I'm studying now).  Also I saw a show on TechTV in which they featured Canada's latest navel frigate.  Supposedly it's comparable to the United States' AEGIS cruiser.  Instead of having one central processor, like the United States' AEGIS cruiser, it has 10 independent processors.  So if one processor goes down due to damage, 9 others are ready to fight the good fight.  Now that is what I call high-tech planning.

So basically if one processor got hit, the whole ship wouldn't go down.

The show I saw was "The Tech of a Warship."

[Maus]

Microprocessors, Bah! You can shoot off all of Chris's legs and kink his tail into a 90-degree bend, and he can still bullseye a target with a 50-cm cowflop at 2 km distance.  

[Eddy]

That is a truly scary image there.

[estio]

But not as funny as cowma-kazi attacks on canadian warships wpuld be.

Canadian warship.   That just doesn't sound right.

Next you'll tell me China has a space program.

[Gigo]

Though I think Canada has a decent military.  Considering they did help out a lot in World War I (which I'm studying now).  Also I saw a show on TechTV in which they featured Canada's latest navel frigate.  Supposedly it's comparable to the United States' AEGIS cruiser.  Instead of having one central processor, like the United States' AEGIS cruiser, it has 10 independent processors.  So if one processor goes down due to damage, 9 others are ready to fight the good fight.  Now that is what I call high-tech planning.

So basically if one processor got hit, the whole ship wouldn't go down.

The show I saw was "The Tech of a Warship."

The key word here folks is 'had'. Canada HAD a decent military. But lately, its been plagued with a lack of funding, a lack of manpower, and a government that doesn't give a sh*t!

We've got a nice beamin' Destroyer sitting on it arse in Vancouver... and we ain't got enough troops to man the dadgumed thing!

We just purchased 4 USED subs from the Brits... and all of 'em leaked on the trip back!

We've got 25 year old SeaKing helicopters as our main naval helicopter. Half of them can't even get off the ground!

We've sent troops to Afghanistan (which was the 3rd largest force there... i'm atleast proud of that) with Canada's standard Forest Green camoflage. Forest Green? In Afghanistan? What the hell is that? Our troops are going to stand our like great big pine trees in the middle of the desert!

And you say we've got a decent military. We're on the right track with the frigates, but we've got a long way to go if we want to be as proud of our military as we were during WW1 and WW2.

Oh, and Eddy... Let this pic be a guide on your parilous trip to the big funky looking building!

[Gigo]

heh heh. Our only defence from Eddy's invasion now is Poutine and William Shatner!  

[Dark Shinji]

Jeez Gigo.  You don't have to yell at me for being mistaken.  How was I to know your military defines "crap?"

[Chris]

What is a Lt. Supreme Cowmander?  Shouldn't that be something like Sub-Commander? ?

You're absolutely right!

<Reorgainzes the Cowmie military structure>

There! Perfect.

[Junta_Joe]

Slowly but surely Gigo inches to the right during his indignant pique over the military.  It's only a matter of time.  


Chris seems to have caught the Azalians on their annual walkabout.  He should sneak over and nab Perth while they're napping.  

As for me, I'm going for a hostile landing on Aruba.  

[Chairman Robbo]

0450 Sydney, Azalia

A tremendous roar tore across the heart of Sydney, and everyone present turned to see the Sydney Harbour Bridge collapse before their eyes, and fall into the water below, plunging hundreds of Cowmie troops to their deaths in the swirling water below.

A smiliar scene took place all over the city, as important building after important building was destroyed by Azalian Army explosives, placed for the specific purpose of denying their use to invaders, just as the Australian Army had done decades ago, at the height of World War Two.

Kilometres away, in his deep underground bunker, Chairman Robbo rubbed his hand across his face and turned to his aide.
'Is it done?', he asked
'Yes sir, it is done....'
'Bloody hell'
'It was necessary sir. All our plans state that we must.....'
'Yes I know that. Doesn't make it any easier!', Robbo exclaimed, cutting off his aide.

With that he rose and walked to the map and peered over it. The plot showed the Cowmies to be in centre of the city, with the Azalians arrayed around them, blocking key real estate. Small pockets of Azalain troops continued to fight throughout the city, and one substantial pocket was in Concorde, at the end of the M4.

After Robbo finished conferring with his maps, the 12th Armoured Brigade began to roll down the M4 towards Concorde.

[Maus]

So it's total war, eh? Very well. Prepare for cowmageddon!

*Far beneath Castle Doom, deeper even than the VIP dungeons, a team of zombies labors to open a frost-covered steel door. Dr. Mengele exhorts them to greater effort.*

"Faster my loyal servants, faster! Time is short and we must awaken the slumberers within the vault! Stop putting your tongues on the metal, you fools!"

*With a breathy 'phoonk' the hermetic seal breaks and the door creaks open. Pushing the zombies aside, Dr. Mengele strikes a match and squeezes through the door*

"Wait here, my faithful shamblers, while I seek the light switch. Enter not, for the chamber is guarded against the unwary by many cunning devices."

*Mengele vanishes within the dark icy chamber. As the zombies fidget impatiently, the only sounds are those of Mengele's shins striking deadly concealed coffee tables, followed by muffled cursing. Soon, the 'clack' of a switch is heard, and a powerful 60-hertz hum fills the air within the chamber. Bank upon bank of mercury vapor lamps begin sputtering to life...*

[Eddy]

After being given a postcard to what presumably is their capitol, Eddy shakes his fist triumphantly in the air and plans an assault on the evilness that is Can*da.  

After carefully examining the postcard the word Parliament is noted.  

Eddy:  "What the heck is a parliament?"

Before anyone can helpfully answer this, a horrible singing/recitation sound is heard...

(unknown voice):  Lucy...in the sky...with...DIAmonds!

William Shatner steps out in his terrible glory.

Eddy:  Ha!  I was prepared for this.  Excuse me Mr. Shatner, in episode 31 of Star Trek when one of the security officers was shown their tunic was showed as having the buttons on the left side, but in episode 42, the buttons are on the right side, and in episode 47 they are back on the left side again.  Also, can you explain how warp drive works when even Hawkian theory shows that particles accelerated to the speed of light...

Shatner runs off while yelling "Get...a...LIFE!"

Eddy is victorious, but then an even more horrifying singing is heard.  (lyrics censored out of respect for human decency)

It's Celine Screechon!  

Quickly before he curls up in a fetal position, Eddy grabs a parabolic reflector and points it at Celine.  Her singing is reflected back at her and the sound waves are amplified causing a feedback explosion blowing up Celine's head instantly.

(The explosion is shown from another camera angle.)

(The explosion is shown from another camera angle.)

(The explosion is shown from another camera angle.)

(The explosion is shown from another camera angle.)

(The explosion is shown from another camera angle.)

(The explosion is shown from another camera angle.)

(It's my post and if I want to emphasize the death of Celine Screechon, then I will do it!)

Eddy stands victorious!  Next stop?  Niagara Falls, then MONTREAL!

[Maus]

(It's my post and if I want to emphasize the death of Celine Screechon, then I will do it!)

Can I get the Director's Cut on DVD?
Could you do Alanis More-upset next?  

[Marlow]

Here, oh great cow, is a link to a site which lets you download a cow strategy game in which to practice your war skills on. (I couldn't fit it in a zip file in which I could attatch)

http://teleline.terra.es/personal/runter/downloads.htm

[Junta_Joe]

Joe checks his gear for a 3rd time and nods to the pilot.  Swooping low over the waves, the Huey gunship flares up about a half mile from the shoreline.  

Seeing the beach filled with possible hostiles, Joe grits his teeth and plunges into the swirling waters below.

After an arduous swim, Joe surfaces near the shoreline and spits out his rebreather mouthpiece.  Joe pulls back the charging handle on his AR-10 rifle, adjusts his booney hat, and marches boldly into face the enemy.

Upon reaching the sand, a lovely native girl in a sarong approaches and asks "Your order, Sir?"

"Yes, gather the rest of the guerilla forces and meet me here so we can plan our assault of the government offices and...."

"Pardon me sir, I meant your drink order"

"Oh!  Uhm, a Cuba Libra would be fine....."