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The Customer is ALWAYS an Asshole

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"How are you doing today?" Guy is dressed nice and offers the first greeting. This should go well!
"Fine! Is there anything I can help you find or any questions I can answer?"
"Yeah, how much can I get for this game?" Whips out a PS3 Modern Warfare 2. I open it and check out the disc.
"You're looking at $20 cash or $25 store credit."
"Can't you make it $25 cash? I need to go to the DMV and..." Why do people think I give a shit why they need the money? You're not my friend or family, and this is not the fucking Red Cross. I've had people berate me for not buying their scratched and broken discs, like I told them to bring their garbage here. Like I sneaked into their abode and ruined their belongings. BUT I NEED GAS MONEY! GET A FUCKING JOB! Call me crazy, but if at any given moment you may find yourself in need of gas money then YOU SHOULDN'T BE BUYING GAMES AND DVDS! We continue.
"Sir, I'm not trying to be rude, but I can only offer what I'm told to offer." I've found that if you turn it into a Hey Man I Only Do As I'm Told type of deal, most assholes will back off. Not this guy.
"C'mon man, I need $25 to go to the DMV. You know you're going to sell this for $60."
"We sell it brand new for that, but if you look at the wall right there you will see used copies for $40. You are getting what we will get. It's 50-50."
"Fuck, just give me the money. I know Gamestop would give me more" I pause for a second, but do the payout. He snatches the bill from my hand and walks to the door. When he reaches the door he yells "It's fucking robbery!" I've bitched about this phenomenon before. I swear the floor tiles in this store are imbued with a magical force that can transform an asshole's balls exponentially the closer to the door and further from me they get. In a matter of 20 feet, what was once BB's are suddenly bowling balls. It'd make a great segment for Ripley's Believe It or Not. Or America's Funniest Home Videos.
Anyway, I holler, "No one forced you to take the money!"
"I said, no one forced you to take the money. You're more than welcome to take your game elsewhere."
Now that he's almost out the door (and hunched over from the wrecking balls in his pants), I get a "Fuck you" and off he goes.

I started the day in such a good mood too.
People are such assholes.

I've had no less than ten pieces of shit walk in here with their half smoked cigarettes stinking up the place. I'm sorry your ticket to cancer costs upwards of $10 a pack now, but please, finish the fucking thing outside. Even when I smoked, I couldn't stand the smell of that shit. Now the fucking store smells burnt garbage.
Assholes stink.

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Updated 12 Aug 2010 at 06:19 PM by Some Stupid Japanese Name



  1. Razor Ramon's Avatar
  2. Yoshi's Avatar
    If I am ever in the area, I'm totally going to re-enact this.
  3. Some Stupid Japanese Name's Avatar
    Of course wah. Isn't that what blogs are for?
  4. Compass's Avatar
    Retail is horrible. Why are you still doing it.
  5. Some Stupid Japanese Name's Avatar
    too dumb and too old for anything else.
  6. Fe 26's Avatar
    I'm glad I live in Mississippi where cancer is still kind of cheap
  7. Melf's Avatar
    I'm bringing you my copy of Stretch Panic, and I want $40, no less!
  8. James's Avatar
    Do you work your shift alone? Because I always found that when I was working with someone, that kind of customer was comedy gold. Even working alone, all that managed to pull from me was a "Meh, whatever". They're too dumb and self-involved to get annoyed about.
  9. Wildkat's Avatar
    I have had quite a few people finish thier temper tantrums just outside the door. Its rather amusing. I only wish I had a camera with sound just outside the door....

    Which I am doing when we move in a month or two.
  10. Revoltor's Avatar
    It's never too late to start looking for a better job/life.

    Great headline btw
  11. Tones's Avatar
    I love when people take one last drag before entering a building, mustering every bit of inhalation that their pathetic lungs can endure, just to exhale on the other side of the door, contaminating the air with their toxic breath.

    Next time they start their "I really need the money!" lecture, try lowering your offer. Hey, if they need the money so badly, they'll take anything!
  12. StriderKyo's Avatar
    I have never worked retail. It is one of my life's greatest accomplishments.
  13. Some Stupid Japanese Name's Avatar
    Tones, that is my best negotiating tactic, because I don't negotiate.
    It goes like this.
    "I'll give you $20"
    "C'mon man, give me $25. It's only $5 more!" I pause and wrinkle my forehead as if in great internal debate.
    "How about $15, it's ONLY $5 less!" A forlorn expression makes it way across the rube's face.
    "Aight, give me the $20."

    Works every time.
  14. Anthony's Avatar
    I'm glad I worked retail, it puts a new perspective on people.
  15. GohanX's Avatar
    I was thinking, I used to work in retail, and not all customers are assholes, just 90% of them. Then I realized, I buy shit from SSJN from time to time, and I am, in fact, an asshole. SSJN is right.


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