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Post Coital


Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.
There's a common misconception concerning me going around the community I work in. No, not the racism stuff, that is true. No, I am referring to the idea that I hate kids. I don't hate kids. I love kids (w'sup Mzo, Shine). I have friends who are kids. I do hate the "parents" of most kids that come into the shop though. I put that in quotes because I think parents is a misnomer for these people. From what I can tell, there isn't any parenting going on.

I'm going to get curmudgeonly here, but when did it become okay for people to let their kids run wild through someone else's place of business? When did the concept of Look, But Don't Touch get moth balled? Hell, at this point, I'd be happy if all they did was touch (w'sup Mzo, Shine). I've had kids grab stuff off of the counters and rip it open, and not like 3 or 4 year olds, who might possibly get a pass for not knowing any better. I'm talking 7, 8, and 9 year olds. The "Parents" either completely ignore the kid, grab the kid by the arm and scuffle out the door, leaving the mess for me to pick up, or turn into Kimbo Slice and start beating the shit out of the kid. No one ever offers to pay for the merchandise that was just ruined though, or even apologize. It's like as long as they don't acknowledge the situation, the situation does not exist.

I'm in too good a mood to get started on the asshats who let their kids climb all over and kick our glass showcases.

Due to the size of the store and the amount of stuff we have to sell, keeping everything out of the public's grasp just isn't possible. Also, from a merchandising perspective, it's not profitable. No one looks around them to see what's in the store. Our 360 section is right behind the cash register area where I am 95% of the day. I wish I had a nickel for every time someone walked up to me and asked where the 360 games were. I'd have handfuls of nickels. HANDFULS! The point is, if you don't throw something in the average persons face, they'll never see it and never realize how badly they need it.

That also reminds me of the time a little girl kept telling her father that she didn't feel good and was going to be sick. He kept telling her to shut up till he decided which $5.99 Xbox360 game he was going to buy. She threw up all over the floor. He yelled at her, grabbed her by the arm, and hustled out the door. It worked out though, because I woke up that morning with the desire to clean up the yak of someone else's kid.

There's a woman named Twilight who comes in here with her kid. I'm pretty sure she's a stripper. A middle of the afternoon stripper, not a headliner if you catch my drift. This is how every one of their weekly visits plays out. She brings her kid in here and he starts screaming I WANT TWO GAMES! She will say no, and he will throw a tantrum, kicking and screaming. She will say You Aren't Getting Anything and leave. Only she leaves. He's still in the store. He will look at me and say She's Not Leaving Me, She Will Be Back. Will You Get Those Two Games I Wanted Out Of The Case Cause She's Going To Buy Them For Me We Both Know It. After 10 minutes and her popping her head in the door and saying Come On Lets Go You're Getting Nothing, she comes in and says Fine But You Better Love Me and buys his two games. E-v-e-r-y w-e-e-k this happens, and it's been going on for months.

This is a favorite discussion between a coworker and I . I'm 34. If I acted the way these kids are allowed to act, my father would have taken me home, beat me with a belt, then driven me back to the store to apologize to the employees. My coworker is 25. She says her mother would have beat her if she acted that way. So somewhere between 1995 and now, parenting became a lost art. Somewhere between then and now it became okay for children to grab the NES light guns out of the dump bin and chase each other around the store whilst unloading uncountable imaginary bullets into each other. I probably wouldn't care as much if the noise those guns made when you pull the trigger were imaginary. Fuck whoever thought that feature was a great idea.

People just don't care how their kids act anymore. In the words of Mr Zach De La Rocha (who of course purloined them himself) Welcome To The New World Order.



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  1. Satsuki's Avatar
    Right now there are about 8 kids playing "football" loudly RIGHT outside my window right now while their dad is complete with such awesome phrases such as "what kind of a FUCKING PASS WAS THAT? ARE YOU A LITTLE PUSSY?" etc., etc. I really hate children and their parents right now.
  2. Razor Ramon's Avatar
    Children are evil.
  3. Dyne's Avatar
    Don't work retail.

    I do agree that most people should not be allowed to breed.
  4. Finch's Avatar
    Kids are fun except when they start dog piling me because i don't get mad. It's not the kids' fault if their parents are hateful, negligent, and abusive dirt bags who cover up their own shame by acting like its someone else's fault they have a kid.
  5. Pineapple's Avatar
    I have nothing intelligent to add here.
    Updated 01 Jul 2010 at 06:27 PM by Some Stupid Japanese Name
  6. Shooting Love's Avatar
    I blame it on Gamestop.
    They've degraded videogame shopping down to the level of a flea market free for all.
  7. Shooting Love's Avatar
    oh, and Obama.
    It is surely his fault too. The parents act like that because there is a colored man in the white house.
  8. kingoffighters's Avatar
    Retail is tough, you get to see the shitty side of humanity on a daily basis. 95% of bad children are bad because of shitty parents.

    I guarantee that if Melody tears down your store, that's because I told her to.
  9. Doc Holliday's Avatar
    I find these pieces you write both insightful and incredibly entertaining.
    Updated 01 Jul 2010 at 08:16 PM by Some Stupid Japanese Name
  10. Tones's Avatar
    It is the simple result of children not fearing their parents.
  11. Some Stupid Japanese Name's Avatar
    They don't fear their parents because there's nothing to fear. Assholes worry too much about being their kids friends. You can be their play pals up to a point but you got to know where to draw the line.
  12. Dyne's Avatar
    Real parenting isn't allowed anymore. You touch a kid, you go to jail. You yell at them, they get taken away.
  13. Some Stupid Japanese Name's Avatar
    Time Out!
  14. kingoffighters's Avatar
    I love Bill Cosby's line best.

    "I brought you to this world and I can take you out."
  15. Fe 26's Avatar
    There have always been kids like this.

    You probably had good parents and went to a pretty good school and were never exposed to it.

    I'm a fucking tool.
  16. Rated E's Avatar
    I was beat with belts, shoes, and threatened with hangers growing up, and I was even a good kid. I agree with everything you've said, especially the part about parents just wanting to be their kids friends and not knowing the first thing about discipline. But yeah, I've seen kids fucking destroy things in stores and parents don't do shit, it's infuriating.
  17. Pineapple's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Pineapple
    I have nothing intelligent to add here.
    Go fuck yourself shithead.
  18. Finch's Avatar
    Why are you telling yourself to go fuck yourself? It's very rude.

    I used to get belt beatings. It's why i was hesitant to do shit like go nuts in stores.
  19. Razor Ramon's Avatar
    Getting beat by my parents made me an asshole. I don't think it works that well.
  20. Some Stupid Japanese Name's Avatar
    I think it has more to do with a general lack of respect for those around you than getting beat.
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