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Quote:
Originally posted by arjue
he's right. We should try to stay away from the offensive stuff. I got abused last time I ran a thread like this because i said a few dead baby jokes. Just because they're jokes doesn't mean they aren't offensive.
What has 4 legs and an ass hole on top?
A bar stool.
Why do boxers leave their gloves on their windscreen?
So they can park in handicap spaces.
Hehe, you call it a windscreen in austrailia :).
I see said the blind man to his deaf wife while sitting in the corner of a round room......Quote:
Originally posted by Green
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to tell you a story I do not know. Admission is free, pay at the door. Take a chair, and sit on the floor. One bright night, two dead guys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise and came and killed those two dead boys. If you don't think the story is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too.
I've been telling this story as long as I can remember, and I have no idea where it came from.
*sorry that was bad....I only read up to this post hahahahah..*
here's one...
An elephant is walking through the bruch and on day when he hears a high-pitched squeaking coming from a mouse traped at the bottom of a shallow pit. "please help me" the mouse cries. "You see, the walls of the pit are too slppery, and I can't climb out." "No problem," the elephant says, squatting down low enough to allow the mouse to use his penis like a ramp. A month later, the mouse is walking through the brush when he hears a bugle-like call for help from the elephant trapped at the bottom of a huge pit. "please help me" the elephant cries "you see, the walls of this pit are to slippery, and I can't climb out." "No problem" the mouse says, crouching as low as he can so the elephant can grab onto his penis and pull himself out. Realizing that this won't work, the mouse says, "hold on, I'll be right back." The mouse returns with his red Ferrari. "Hook your trunk around the bumper," he tells the elephant. The elephant does so, and the mouse inches the car forward untill the elephant is free.
The moral of the story: You don't need a large penis if you've got a red Ferrari
more to come :D
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Good one!!!
Two friend meet and one asks another:
Hey, Wanna participate in threesome?
Sure, But else will be there, the other man asks.
You, Me and Your Wife - first friend said.
No Way - the other man screamed.
So the first man says: Ok, Then. You are excluded.
You can't handle the truth!
At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."
Hard
Dave walks into a bar and sees his friend john slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks john what's wrong. "Well," replies john, "you know that beautiful girl at Motorola that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Dave with a laugh. "Well," says john, straightening up, "I finally got the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Dave, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues john, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "Sensible" says Dave. "So I get to her door," says john, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw." "And what happened then?" john slumps back over the bar again and says, "I kicked her in the face."
Quick Blonde Joke
Why does a blonde girl whistle after she pees?
So she knows which pair of lips to wipe.
space expedition
three countries, united states, germany, and france are all competing to see who has the best space program.
the united states publicly announces to the world that it will make an expedition to land on the moon once again.
germany publicly announces to the world that it will make an expedition to land on mars .
france publicly announces to the world that it will make an expedition to land on the sun.
puzzled by france's announcement, reporters ask how they hope to accomplish this feat.
to this, france replies, "we'll go at night."
greg, mike, and mike's wife, jenny were all playing a game of cards one evening. greg drops one of his cards under the table on accident, and goes to pick it up. while underneath the table, he notices that jenny doesn't have any underwear on. he gets back up and they go about their card game. after the game, the call it a night and greg goes to hug his friends. when he's hugging jenny, he whispers into her ear, "i like what saw. how about i come over tomrrow for some action? i'll even pay you $500."
jenny decides that she needs the money, agrees.
greg comes over the next day and they do their business, and he pays her the $500.
later that evening, mike comes home and asks if greg's been by.
jenny, a little worried, answers, "yes, why do you ask?"
mike says, "did he give you $500?"
jenny, really worried now, relunctantly answers, "y..yes."
mike then says, "oh good. he finally paid me back for that loan."
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
because he's dead
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do
-what did the Italian soldier say when he killed the German soldier in WWII?
- Look Ma, no Hans.
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- A priest and a rabbi are sitting in the park when a young child rides by on a bike. The priest says to the rabbi, "cmon lets fuck em."
the rabbi looks at the priest with a puzzled look and asks calmly, "out of what?"
Quote:
Originally posted by Nash
space expedition
three countries, united states, germany, and france are all competing to see who has the best space program.
the united states publicly announces to the world that it will make an expedition to land on the moon once again.
germany publicly announces to the world that it will make an expedition to land on mars .
france publicly announces to the world that it will make an expedition to land on the sun.
puzzled by france's announcement, reporters ask how they hope to accomplish this feat.
to this, france replies, "we'll go at night."
bump.:lol:
i worked at French restaurant in the city for two years. oh so true.