Conan the Barbarian

It was decent enough. Momoa was a good Conan, different from Arnold, but cool in its own right. Also, it had plenty of gore and brutality to warrant good old R. Story was nothing to write about, and end sequence was somewhat dissapointing, but overal it was good time. Too bad it flopped, as I would mind another Conan adventure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Bacon McShig

It was okay. Like Sedition said, super-shitty fight with the main baddie. He was way less imposing and capable in the fight where he possessed the Ultimate God Power than the earlier one where he was just a normal-ass dude, what the hell.

Lots of glaring movie logic going on.
-When the camera focuses on something Conan's doing, time stops for everyone else.
-Bad guy has henchmen everywhere. When henchmen fall off-camera, they suddenly cease to exist.
-Morgan Freeman: Time passed and MAIN BAD GUY sieged the lands and bent all the tribes of Cimmeria to his rule. Conan adventured across the lands for these 20-odd years and somehow didn't hear about any of this.
-This girl with no combat training can be trusted to handle herself against hordes of bloodthirsty mercenaries if Conan throws her a sword.
-The bad guys with a raging Maiden Sacrifice Boner have taken the girl, oh no! First I need to make a stopover in some totally different location and then have a long-ass trek through an arbitrary dungeon. Whew, got here just in time!
-Oh wait, they're not going to kill her like they did with all the other sacrifices, they just need to give this one a little nick on the chest. Now she can still be in the movie and the bad guy gets his power for the climactic fight. How convenient!

The establishing shots of the cities were pretty fucking amazing.

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To be fair, chick was monk, and was trained to do fighting shit. So at least it somewhat believable. Also, they needed her body for dead witch to posses her.

Solid yet average movie, but fun. Moma or whatever his name is was a very good Conan...he's no Arnold, but at least he played it very differently, more savage. I liked him in the role.

My two main beefs were the bad guys carting around the stupid and pointless giant land boat on top of very bad-looking CG elephants, and the aforementioned fact that the bad guy basically ruled the world yet Conan had no idea about it. Okay.

Also: Arnold didn't need no chain to knock out no horse.

Or was it a cammel? :p

Punching animals is so hilarious to me, please explain why.

It really is, that's not sarcasm or anything.

Neither Snake nor Ape.
Fail.

http://tumblr.austinkleon.com/post/25651231449

Commando poetry.