50 Things Dudes Think Chicks Should Know...

**Dolemite** · 05 Feb 2003, 05:46 PM

50 Things Dudes Think Chicks Should Know

1. Only rednecks and guys named "Guido" wear wife-beaters, you trailer trash whore.
2. You can only withhold sex for so long before a man will seek it elsewhere.
3. A man doesn't mind being taken out to dinner on occassion.
4. Wear thong underwear. Nothing's sexier.
5. Don't use being in a solid relationship as an excuse to gain 50 lbs. for every year that you've been dating. Keeping in shape not only shows respect for your mate, but for yourself as well.
6. 2-inch long fake nails not only are impratical, but look fucking stupid.
7. Men don't mind if you like to hang out in jeans and a t-shirt, but here and there dress to remind them that you're a woman.
8. Women underestimate the importance of foreplay to men as well. If a guy is busting his ass to get you hot to trot, you damn well better do the same for him.
9. Don't overdo the make-up. Less is more.
10. Sorry, just because you're PMSing doesn't give you free reign to act however you damn well please.
11. Lay off the hairspray.
12. Instead of dismissing a hobby that your boyfriend has as "silly" or "not your thing", try to see what it's all about first. Who knows, if he likes it, and you like him, maybe it's something the two of you can share. If not, fine. But at least give it a chance.
13. If he's being stubborn about something, give him head. If not, give him head anyway. The key word here is head.
14. Learn to realize that things like gold and diamonds are actually useless rocks and metals from the earth and that serve no constructive purpose other than making your boyfriend waste money that could be better spent on dinner and vacations for your ass.

15. Don't ask your boyfriend what he's thinking. If he wanted you to know, he'd be talking (credit: Married With Children).
16. Some guy DO like to cuddle or hug.
17. Brad Pitt's a fag.
18. Do not talk about children or marrige on the first date.
19. Or the second.
20. Don't say you don't want your boyfriend to say/do something, and get mad at him for not saying/doing it. We're not fucking mind readers.
21. Don't buy us clothes you know we hate just because you like it.
22. Don't order an appitizer if it means you'll only take 2 bites of the main course and say, "I'm full!".
23. If a guy burps or farts, deal with it. You do it too, he just had the misfortune of doing it in your presence.
24. Don't hang out with your ex-boyfriends.
25. Don't hang out with your boyfriend's ex-girlfriends.
26. Don't ask, "Am I fat?", because he'll say yes, or lie and say no. Or worse, he'll say he likes fat chicks.
27. Swallow.
28. Be willing to try more than one sexual position. There's more than missionary, you know.
29. Let him hang out with his friends on a regular basis. and Don't call or beep him when he's out with them unless it's important.
30. He's thinking about you all the time too. Unless you're a bitch that follows stupid internet lists like this one.
31. Women think they're under all this pressure to be in shape- well, guys have it just as bad, if not worse. Not only do we have to have low bodyfat, but we have to have muscle too. It ain't easy.
32. Don't nag. If it's important, he'll remember. Probably.
33. If a guy really, really loves you, he probably wouldn't want to have a threesome. Maybe.
34. A real man doesn't finish until he gets you off, too.
35. Don't try to get him jealous.
36. Not all men like sports.
37. Not all men dance. Don't try to make them.
38. Don't ask goofy questions like, "Would you love me if I were a man?". No, because I'm not a faggot.
39. No matter how good your friendship with a 'guy friend' is, if he gets the chance he'll fuck you.
40. Have a hobby. Go out with friends. Don't make your guy the center of your universe. Spending time together is important, but make sure that you don't lose yourself in the process.
41. Ask questions- guys love to talk about themselves, too. Don't just blab about yourself endlessly.
42. I will not watch "Queer as Folk" with you.
43. Don't come up with an 'adorable' nickname for your boyfriend. And if you must, DO NOT call him it in front of his friends.
44. Yes, I'll spank you. Be open about what you want in the bedroom.
45. TRIM. YOUR. VAGINA.
46. Guys don't think about sex ALL the time. Well, some do, but...
47. Plans are nice, but be spontaneous one in a while.
48. Guys dig compliments as well.
49. Don't tell us that a friend of ours is "hot".
50. If you can manage it, show some cleavage, dammit. Guy love cleavage.

**Brisco Bold** · 05 Feb 2003, 05:51 PM

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love you man.

In a non "Queer of Folks" sort of way.

... but I do like the show.

**Dolemite** · 05 Feb 2003, 05:56 PM

Originally posted by Briscobold
I've said it before and I'll say it again: I love you man.

In a non "Queer of Folks" sort of way.

I...I...I love you too, man!

... but I do like the show.

Never watched it. My girlfriend does, however. 'Oz' is the most gayness I can stand in a TV show, and thankfully this current season has had very little of that.

**Brisco Bold** · 05 Feb 2003, 05:58 PM

I haven't seen anything from OZ this season. Anybody know how it ends? Has it ended. I wanna know.

**MechDeus** · 05 Feb 2003, 05:59 PM

Some good stuff in there, especially the fingernails and makeup bit. I never thought in the pursuit of looking beautiful one could find something so ugly and stupid to do. Makeup isn't bad, but way too much is far too often put on, and fingernail polish looks retarded. That goes twice for doing toes, nothing like calling attention to one of the ugliest parts of the human body.

As for 33, as long as both are consenting to go ahead it's just plain fun.

**Despair** · 05 Feb 2003, 06:00 PM

Number 13 is good.

Nice list D

**Brisco Bold** · 05 Feb 2003, 06:02 PM

Oh yeah. That's what I wanted to say: the thing, I hate, THE MOST, about women are fake fingernails. WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT TO THEIR FINGER NAILS. Sure, I hate stubby ones, but I'm quite sure you're not fooling anyone with a small (real) nail before a 2 foot piece of white crap. Some of those nails you can use as a cane.