Shenmue II

[xS]

If you have read more than 5 e books, you should be able to write better than that.

[Josh]

Originally posted by Jeremy
Why should I take the advice of folks who spent MONTHS giving me shit?

Because they fucking know what they are talking about.
OMFG and MVS are both really good writers.

You are not.

You should listen to what they have to say. No one wants to read a review that reads like stereo instructions.
I don't care how "informative" it is.

[Jeremy]

When have I ever said I was a good writer?

[LOL]

You don't have to tell us you're a good writer for us to tell you that you aren't.

Of course, this example of you misunderstanding a post and forming wild conclusions in your head explains a lot about why you're so terrible at commanding the English language.

[Andy]

Originally posted by MVS
Facts without personality are either Instruction Manuals, Fact Sheets or reviews by you.

Even some instruction manuals have personality

Oh, and this thread is fucking hilarious.

[Jeremy]

Andy, isn't that the truth? This is probably the funniest non-FC thread on TNL right now for a variety of reasons. Chief among them me becoming a running gag again.

[Nikorasu]

Originally posted by MVS
I have no idea who you are.

What's a 'Jezza'?

I just post here. But it seems we've both had fun trying to improve Jeremy's output. When I say fun I mean 'beating heads against a brick wall'.

As for a 'Jezza' - a British colloquial version of Jeremy that's all.

[Omni]

Originally posted by diffusionx
Yea, because there's SO MUCH WRONG with actually using other people's QUALITY work as an example, especially when your own "work" (I hesitate to actually call your writing work, as it implies that it is useful) is such shit. Did you know that Newton once said that he only got to where he was at the time by standing on the shoulders of giants? You know, maybe NOBODY should look at the work of others in their life, and just continue in their horrible misbegotten style.

Wanna be a playwright? Don't do what Shakespeare, O'Neil and Arthur Miller did! A Long Day's Journey Into Night? Pffft, who needs a masterpiece when you got YOUR OWN STYLE! Use that, don't EVER try to take ANYTHING from classic playwrights in your work!

Wanna be an author? Don't you dare pick up that copy of To Kill a Mockingbird, The Sound and the Fury, or On the Road! Who needs classic works of literature when you can use "breath of fresh air" in everything you fucking write!

Wanna be a scientist? What's the point of looking at other people's past research? I can rediscover Calculus on my own time!

This isn't about copying others word for word, its about fucking looking at how other people do things and trying to do them in the same way. The only thing you can take from other people's work is boring cliches and shitty closing sentences, and I have a feeling that you just lifted those from IGN. You're seriously a fucking insult to not just writers, but the pursuit of knowledge and self-improvement. Part of being an educated, learned person is knowing where your faults are and constantly asking others for help and to get better. But you are totally unable to do that, as the last few months have shown. And NO, its not because omfgninjas or AFX or diffusionx don't love you. It's because you're stupid and you refuse to listen to anyone who tries to help you.

Seriously, just stop, it's getting way beyond cute, novel, annoying, or even a haha-look-at-the-dumbass-posting-his-shit-and-thinking-he-has-a-style. It's seriously getting to be just fucking pitiful and annoying.

I was just going to say something to this effect.

I was being a bit facetious when I said "emulate everything they do," but there's certainly nothing wrong with borrowing elements and LEARNING new things.

Jeremy, everyone here has said in one way or another that your reviews are not good, yet you're still too stubborn (or stupid) to change, or even just look at other people's writing as at least a guideline.

I seriously don't understand why somebody who is allegedly passionate about writing would want to continue writing in a manner that garners nothing but negative criticism. It boggles my mind.

You are certainly an anomoly, Jeremy. You can have my custom status.

[Tommy Tallarico]

Originally posted by Jeremy
Andy, isn't that the truth? This is probably the funniest non-FC thread on TNL right now for a variety of reasons. Chief among them me becoming a running gag again.

When did you ever stop being a running gag?

Until you are a writer, you should refrain from posting any written material on the boards. That is all.

[Rick]

1) Comparing your writing to a fact sheet is inaccurate. Fact sheets are efficient, they get to the point.

Your writing is extremely repetitive. It was entirely possible to cut to the chase on many of the things things you covered as opposed to repeating yourself. Paragraphs spent describing QTEs, Free Battles, and characters could've easily been cut down to one or two sentences, if that. You don't need to say "the ______ is better than most other games on the market" in every paragraph, try just saying that the game is. And say it once.

2) Read your reviews over before you post them.

We know you don't so stop acting like you do.

I'm sure if you did, you would've noticed things like:

You don’t want muddy controls costing you a valuable free battle, or an important, or lengthy QTE, and in Shenmue II, you won’t have to worry about that.

3) You're doing this for fun? Then don't act like you're trying to cram an extra couple dozen words in to make the quota for a final in school. The padding is excessive and unnecessary.

4) Deny it if you want, but personality is important in a review. The reader will havbe your attention if he gets the impression you even give a damn. You could copy the synopsis from the back cover of the game, and I guarantee it would make me more interested in the game than your "review."

Try absorbing some criticisms that have already been said. If I have to read one more hunk of BS "thanks for the feedback, I'll scan over it almost as fast as everyone probably scanned over my review and forget it instantly" post I'll be convinced you're either 12, a complete social retard, or both.