Originally Posted by
DOVESKI
MTV began its 20th Annual Video Music Awards on Thursday by plunging into
a narcissistic time warp. Flouncing in white wedding dresses reminiscent
of the one Madonna wore on the awards' inaugural broadcast two decades
ago, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera dueted on a cover of "Like a
Virgin" while Madonna rose from a wedding cake dressed like a dominatrix
bridegroom.
Leading her pop progeny into her latest single, "Hollywood," she topped
the set by French-kissing both Aguilera and Spears like a she-dog marking
her territory.
In the audience, Mary J. Blige looked bemused. Eminem looked bored. Snoop
Dogg guffawed. Justin Timberlake raised an eyebrow, then nodded solemnly
as he watched Madonna's tongue slip into his ex-girlfriend's mouth.
The faux-sapphic shenanigans faded when Missy Elliott stormed out in black
tie to bring on the funk. But she wisely stepped aside when the three pop
vixens took front stage to deliver the song's closing couplet: "Music
stations always play the same songs/ I'm bored with the concept of right
and wrong."
This, from the mouths of three singers whose own music has done much to
homogenize radio. MTV has built its empire on such acts of mass delusion,
billing itself as a young and edgy network while in fact functioning as a
staid corporate hit factory. For all its requisite gross-out humor and
sexual high jinks, Thursday's Radio City Music Hall extravaganza was less
adventurous than this year's Grammys ceremony, which, in all its
mediocrity, at least included a performance by the year's most exciting
duo, The White Stripes.
At the VMAs, star power ruled. Justin Timberlake won best pop video and
best male video for "Cry Me a River" and best dance video for "Rock Your
Body. " Coldplay, a young band the old school finds palatable (must be the
piano), took home trophies for best group video, breakthrough video and
best direction for "The Scientist." Beyonce's "Crazy in Love" won for best
R&B video, best choreography and best female video.
Other winners included Missy Elliott's "Work It," which scored two awards
for video of the year and best hip-hop video, and 50 Cent, winner in the
best new artist and best rap video (for "In da Club") categories.
Disappointingly, but not surprisingly, 71-year-old Johnny Cash's
mesmerizing cover of the Nine Inch Nails song "Hurt" won only one award
(for best cinematography) out of six nominations. Cash had hoped to attend
the ceremony, but was hospitalized with a stomach ailment.
Host Chris Rock played court jester for assembled music royalty, hitting a
high point when mocking Timberlake's wannabe blackness with a skit based
on the series "Punk'd" (the amiable Timberlake delivered a one-man
standing ovation). Less enthusiasm greeted jokes about dead artists ("It
wasn't a good year for fat black singers"), rap rivalries and R. Kelly's
alleged transgressions with teenage girls.
Most of the time, Rock was dead on. After a performance of 50 Cent's
"P.I.M. P." featuring Snoop Dogg and an armada of writhing women, Rock
dryly quipped, "Today is the anniversary of Martin Luther King's 'I Have a
Dream' speech. Isn't it nice to see that his dream has finally come true?"
A bespectacled and restrained Eminem, who won an award for best video from
a film for "Lose Yourself," mocked his assault on Triumph the Insult Comic
Dog at last year's ceremony by appearing with another puppet, Special Ed
from Comedy Central's "Crank Yankers." After delivering an inspirational
speech on anger management, the rapper pummeled the annoying puppet into
the ground, ripping its leg off in the process.
Other amusements were less scripted: When Avril Lavigne and Kelly Osbourne
presented Duran Duran with a lifetime achievement award, the response was
so anti-climactic that Osbourne had to urge people to stand and applaud.
Beyonce nearly upstaged Madonna by lowering herself upside down from the
ceiling for a performance of "Baby Boy" that segued into a rendition of
"Crazy in Love" with her boyfriend and duet partner Jay-Z. The members of
Metallica tipped their hats to history by performing a medley of Lenny
Kravitz's "Are U Gonna Go My Way?," Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit,"
Michael Jackson's "Beat It" and, ironically, the neglected White Stripes'
"Seven Nation Army."
Aguilera turned in a flaccid rendition of "Dirrty," and 50 Cent joined
Mary J. Blige for a medley of her songs. Coldplay dedicated an
always-lovely performance of "The Scientist" to the hospitalized Johnny
Cash.
If Madonna, Spears and Aguilera opened the awards with a surreal splash,
Timberlake closed it with a hit of reality. When his "Cry Me a River"
video won best male video, beating out Eminem, 50 Cent and Cash, the young
star stood sheepishly at the podium and declared the win "a travesty."
"I demand a recount," he said. "My grandfather raised me on Johnny Cash .
. . and I think he deserves this more than any of us in here tonight."
Out of the mouths of sexy babes come simple truths. Especially when their
mouths aren't full of each other.
Because we know you care:
Ashanti wore a pink Pebbles-and-Bamm-Bamm ensemble and $1 million
earrings. Christina Aguilera wore pink feathers. Mya and the Donnas donned
black dresses.
A cloying Kelly Osbourne modeled a T-shirt with "Young, willing and eager"
scrawled across the front. OutKast's Big Boi looked dapper in a checkered
suit and bow tie, and Timbaland and Eminem sported matching blue athletic
suits. Snoop Dogg led two girls on leashes.
Memorable quotes:
-- "I like the girls with the booty." -- Snoop Dogg
-- "Yes, I am the 'Punk'd' bitch. That's me." -- Justin Timberlake
-- "Good Charlotte? More like a mediocre Green Day." -- Chris Rock
-- "Violence, whether it's against puppets or it's against people, is
wrong. " -- Eminem
-- "I'm straight." -- Jimmy Fallon
-- "We're here for the MTV Video Music Awards, but we know MTV don't
really show that many videos." -- Chris Rock
-- "This is a travesty." -- Justin Timberlake
Hence the VMA's TV14 rating, which is probably based on what was planned for the night. I was not at all surprised that something of that sort would happen there, but I wasn't bothered- it was just a part of their (controversial) act.
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