Want to get fired?

[bahn]

I think I actually got fired from one of my jobs back in the late 90's because I was surfing TNL and actually trying to update.

[frostwolf ex]

whats funny is, i am the opposite witht he showing up late and leaving early, im greedy, so i try to sneak in a few hours by leaning on the mid-managers to let me stay to help fix things that they are too busy to do, gotta fund the gaming habit somehow.

[cka]

I love my job. And I'll also add I've had it since November 2000, as an on-off type thing.

Use email excessively for personal reasons.

I won't touch work's email, considering 95% of it is spam.

Commit other fatal email errors.

I once fucked up a PHP script and had it email back ~2500-3000 emails. Sucks when you forget to increment a variable.

Abuse the Internet.

First thing we do at the store is fire up the shoutcast server over the stereo system. And even then, the day is spent browsing the Internet for them hilarious sites. I even remember posting on TNL a few times from work.

Consistently show up late for work, and then make sure you leave early.

I have to go in today. The last time I was in the store was early last month.

Be disrespectful or politically incorrect in the workplace.

I call one of the guys that works where I work a fucking knob all the time. He don't care. And his daughter's got a nice ass.

Do the bare minimum – nothing more.

I go in once every couple of months to rotate a database. That's pretty much it.

Consistently handle personal business at work.

Posted above, I've posted here/versuscity/wherever from the computers there.

Use illegal substances or drink alcohol during the workday.

It's been done.

Treat the workplace like it's your own personal social club.

I do. Harping with the help > doing stuff.

Blatantly look for other jobs.

I do.

[jonas]

If I plan to be a freelancer do these still apply.

That's it, I'm firing myself.

[Zerodash]

Hah, I love being the computer guru at my company- I can look at any website I want to, and the only person who can catch me is me.

Oh yes.

[Tracer]

Use email excessively for personal reasons. Most people have access to email through their company's systems. This is a luxury for some, particularly for those who do not have email at home. However, there's a good chance you company is not providing the email so you can keep in touch with your college friends. Email at work should be used just for that – work.

mroy@phonoscope.com (deactivated) was my main email. I used it all the time for personal reasons though I never sent out anything inappropriate. I tend to be fairly business-like when dealing with my home email accounts.

Commit other fatal email errors. Remember that email is completely trackable. Businesses can monitor employee use, retrieve old messages, and figure out just what you have been sending, and to whom. Sending or receiving inappropriate materials, putting sensitive company information in email messages, gossiping about co-workers or company personnel electronically – these are errors that will get you a personal escort out the door. If you don't want your manager or others to see it, don't put it in an email.

See above.

Abuse the Internet. The Internet has become a major issue for U.S. business. A survey by the ePolicy Institute, the American Management Association and U.S. News & World Report found that 35 percent of companies have disciplined or terminated employees for visiting restricted or unauthorized Web sites. Think your company isn't tracking your Internet use? Think again. Leave your personal surfing at home.

My surfing typically consists of TNL, Penny-Arcade, Something Awful and occasionally a link sent by friends or posted here. Sometimes those links are pretty wierd. My main use of the internet there was playing games on the graveyard shift since all I had to do then was wait for the phone to ring or wait for something to happen.

Consistently show up late for work, and then make sure you leave early. Looking to send a message that you don't care about your position or your personal success? Arriving late and leaving early are two great ways to accomplish this. They tell your manager your dedication is lacking and are two things that will get you noticed, but not in a positive way.

I showed up not a second too late nor did I stay one bit longer than I had to. I was punctual if anything, but I never hung around to chat.

Be disrespectful or politically incorrect in the workplace. Political correctness is a hot topic in today's modern workplace, and most companies have zero tolerance for offensive remarks and actions. If you've got a humdinger of a joke but it's just a bit offensive, it's best to leave it home and opt for a simple knock-knock.

"make me a sammich" was common around there to the female employees. If I got fired for this then alot of people should have been fired. I never even did it frequently.

Do the bare minimum – nothing more. So you complete your "to do" list every day, but do nothing more? Employees like this get passed over for promotions and place themselves on the top of the "dispensable" list. There will come a day when a new, enthusiastic over-achiever will come looking for your position. If you've done the bare minimum, chances are he or she will get it.

Reason #1 why these jobs suck. My to do list was comprised of "take care of anything that happens," and I did. There was nothing else to do that anyone told me about but once or twice a supervisor told me to ask other employees in other fields there if they needed anything done. I did once and they didn't know what I was talking about. If companies expect you to go above and beyond specify where above and beyond is and make that my objective. Fuckers. I don't see why they have to play these stupid games.

Consistently handle personal business at work. While most managers understand that personal business comes up from time to time during work hours, this business should be kept to a minimum. Acceptable personal business at work does not mean using company phones to call mom, dad, your friends, your softball team, or your stylist. Limit the amount of personal business you take care of from work, or you might have plenty of time on your hands to take care of it from home.

I called my sister in Maryland alot. But I did it on my own cell-phone when I had it. It had free long distance at nights when I usually worked.

Use illegal substances or drink alcohol during the workday. This one sounds too obvious to mention, but drinking during the day or using illegal substances are two ways that will send you back to the job search market. There's no such thing as a "two martini lunch." Stick to non-alcoholic drinks during the workday, and save the rest for happy hour.

I drank beer while at work once. But damn it the IT's gave it to me!

Treat the workplace like it's your own personal social club. It's great to make new friends at work and be involved in the company's social scene. However, making friends becomes a problem once you spend more time at other peoples' desks than you do at your own. If you'd like to continue to get to know your co-workers, keep a healthy balance in the workplace.

I had friends over sometimes after hours. But that was never caught, I know it wasn't. Bob, a co-worker, would come by at nights sometimes to play Shadowbane with me though.

Blatantly look for other jobs. Think it's a good idea to fax your resume out from work and do phone interviews for other positions from your desk? Your manager will beg to differ. If the job you have taken is not right for you, look around discreetly and respectfully.

Never did this. Hell, I was satisfied with the job I had. It was easy, paid well and no one really got on me about anything. Getting fired sucks because of that last part. No one ever told me, "Hey! Work harder and don't do such and such!"

Fuck office jobs. I'm going into construction.