I seriously need some advice right now.

[Damian79]

Why are you depressed?

I don't know exactly. I may aswell give you my life story to see if you can figure it out.

I was born in december 1979. My dad was never home because he was always moving around for his work. My mom never gave me any attention since she was more concrened to talking on the phone at that time.

Every day until I was 7 I was beat up by my first cousins who lived next door just for the hell of it. I had no real friends in school, (in semi third world countries in those days, kids just hanged around you if you were good at school so the intelligence may rub off on them, so they were all phonies). The only time I ever got recognised is when I get perfect grades. If I got less than 100% in maths or anything like 99%, my parent just told me to do better next time.

In 1987, my family was listed to be killed by thugs just for being tamil and we escaped the country. Apparently the night we fled, the thugs were coming, I was crying my eyes out, with the neighbours saying stuff about us being cowards etc. I have no recollection of that, it was probably too much for a 7 year old, which is where I think my depression stems from.

When I finally came to Australia, the initial language barrier screwed me over for all my school subjects except for math. And that is where things just seemed to go downhill from there. When I was 12 I was so depressed I was throwing this big tantrum to my parents to get them to kill me. When they refused I went and looked in the yellow pages for "hit men"(I honestly don't know whether I should laugh or cry about it).

Since then until now, i had several attemps at killing myself. I have stopped doing that now because 6 months ago I attempted over dosing myself but succeeded in doing nothing but get myself completely paralyzed for 72 hours. That was th scariest moment of my life, the thought of going through my entire life scared me to bits.

The reason why I play so many RPG's is that they take my focus away from thinking about other things, so as long as I play them, I don't get REALLY depressed.


I have been seeing psychiatrists and psychologists for a decade now, and they have yet to give me a clear diagnosis about my mental problems except for "depression".

[sethsez]

Staying in your house doing nothing isn't going to help you get any better... it's just going to make it worse. At some point you need to get out and do things. Make some things happen in your life.

Sounds like you just need a solid kick in the ass to get started. It sounds bad, but the alternative of sitting around and doing nothing obviously isn't doing shit for you.

[Klonoa]

start working out, build your physique.

[Damian79]

I should also mention that I set myself up for failure. I can never seem to be able to do small tasks, I always change them to giant tasks and simply give up. Combined with perfectionism and depression, it is a nightmare.

That is why they are putting me on motivational therapy, I need it before I do the behavioural therapy(behavioural therapy needs a lot of motivation) which is needed o break myself defeating behaviour. I was getting a little better but since the restructuring, no one was there to push me along. :/

[Nomi]

I was pretty damn unhappy, and sat around and did nothing. Had no friends to distract me and a family life to make it all the worse.

GET OUT. Yeah, I'm sure you'll meet some people and a lot of them will piss you off, but human's were not meant to live on their own. You can't thrive without interaction. Find someone, some activity, something to help you enjoy being alive.

I would avoid social situations like the plague, but after a while I just went out. It started a slow process of me getting back into a better mindset.

You have to want to change. You're not going to get better unless you work at it, and want it. Don't worry about diagnosing a problem; you may not have one. Thinking so poorly of everything and worrying about finding a problem may be the problem, if you can find sense in that. Focus on wanting to get better, and it has a much better chance to happen.

You have to help yourself, and find some worth in everything.

[icarusfall]

Guys, he knows he needs to get out more, you're not helping. The 'strong kick in the right direction' thing doesn't work for this sort of problem. He's not doing anything that's wrong, so there's no need for that kind of thing. I've been dealing with severe panic disorder since I was in my last year of middle school. As a result of my problem I had to drop-out of high school as a freshman and get my GED (a state high school degree for our Ausralian contingent). I can't work in any sort of job and haven't for a long time now, but I do get along with my life and try to live happily as I can.

Here's a question: Do you like to read?

BTW - that's one fucked up childhood, man. Where did you live before Australia (I have no idea what Tamil is).

[James]

Listen to Nomi, she's smart.

Your choices are A) Sit still, do nothing. It's easy, but you can see the results it's having. B) Get moving! Yeah, it's hard to care but nobody said you have to actually care to do stuff. You know that "be true to yourself" thing you mentioned? Well it's obviously not working for you so don't do it. Maybe of you pretend to care you'll find something to actually care about after a while.

Whatever you do, it sure as hell beats moping. I've found the trick to getting over being depressed (not medically, I mean more as a mood thing) is to look at yourself and take a "fuck this" attitude towards it. I may feel like lying around doing nothing, but I need to not be the kind of person who lies around doing nothing more.

James

[Joust Williams]

Yeah but dude, they can't push you without you moving...and you can move. You said you make small things turn into large ones? Start with really small ones. And that sig? That's not going to help anything. If you really want to get out of it that badly, you can. Not necessarily easy, but not everything is.

[Damian79]

Guys, he knows he needs to get out more, you're not helping. The 'strong kick in the right direction' thing doesn't work for this sort of problem. He's not doing anything that's wrong, so there's no need for that kind of thing. I've been dealing with severe panic disorder since I was in my last year of middle school. As a result of my problem I had to drop-out of high school as a freshman and get my GED (a state high school degree for our Ausralian contingent). I can't work in any sort of job and haven't for a long time now, but I do get along with my life and try to live happily as I can.

Here's a question: Do you like to read?

BTW - that's one fucked up childhood, man. Where did you live before Australia (I have no idea what Tamil is).

I was living in Sri Lanka(Ceylon). Tamil is a race of people.

I like to read, but most books bore the crap out of me. I am dying waiting for "feast for crows" of the "Book of Ice and Fire" series to come out.

Yeah but dude, they can't push you without you moving...and you can move. You said you make small things turn into large ones? Start with really small ones. And that sig? That's not going to help anything. If you really want to get out of it that badly, you can. Not necessarily easy, but not everything is.

As I said, I can't do small things. And yeah, good point, I should change the sig.

Do you guys suggest getting a musical instrument in my situation?

[Nomi]

As I said, I can't do small things.

You can, but I don't think you want to. You're just holding yourself back. It's alright to not be able to do something, but you seem to give off the impression that you don't even try anymore. Look at yourself and capabilities as futile, and you'll lose the chance to ever change.