24 Official Thread of the New Season

**Despair** · 27 Apr 2005, 10:00 AM

Some more funny commentary I have found:

"Mr. President, you need to make a decision regarding the CTU torture of yet another terrorist, and you need to make it NOW.

"CTU has been torturing innocent people, including an American teenager and a British national, all day long; why do they need my approval now?"

"This one has a lawyer."

"CURSES!"

"Oh wait. Turns out they just did it anyways, and they did it in such a way as to keep your office from being incriminated.

"WHAT? How dare they! Arrest Jack Bauer, STAT!"

"Sir, that may compromise the entire operation, and also may make you look like a stupid whiny cunt."

"Lalalalalalalalala neener neener neener I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!"

-------------------

"Edgar, get outta my way. I need to use your computer right away!"

"Why?"

"Yours has DirectX 9.0c, and mine only has 9.0b. And your copy of AdAware is registered."

"Bite me. I'm in the middle of a guild raid on the Tarren Mill, and I'm the lv60 Priest. Those boys NEED me."

-------------------

"Well, we're closing in on Marwan for, like, the eighteenth time today. But we have the building surrounded, and he doesn't know we're here. We've confirmed he's in the building, and all the escape routes are covered. Nothing could possibly go wrong this time."

"Jack Bauer, you're under arrest."

<sigh> "Fine. Tony, set up another 'perimeter'."

<Marwan escapes again>

"Well, looks like we lost him. You're re-instated, Jack."

"Gee, thank you so much."

-------------------

"Aw, why are they sending me out to examine this computer? I'm no field agent! I have no training, I abhor violence, and I'm scared to death!"

<terrorist thug begins huge, reckless, noisy attack, regardless of discovery, to "keep security tight">

"EAT HOT DEATH, TERRORIST SCUMBAG!"

-------------------

I can't wait to find out what the Red Chinese have to do with all this. And I love that, even though there have been multiple terrorist attacks, including a deadly nuclear near-meltdown, high-level kidnappings and attempted executions, a blackout with looting and mayhem, and the shooting down of Air Force One with the President aboard, the plucky citizens of Los Angeles still go out dancing that night.

**Despair** · 03 May 2005, 02:16 AM

Tonight was HOT !!!!!! Best episode in LOOOOOONG time.

More details on tomorrow morning with my usual episode breakdown

**Satsuki** · 03 May 2005, 06:07 AM

Really? I thought the only good part is when Paul died.

**Rich** · 03 May 2005, 08:16 AM

It was. Jack was all I'MA KILL YO HUSBAND WOMAN

**Nercm** · 03 May 2005, 11:05 AM

they had some nice Splinter Cell action going on in that episode

**Despair** · 03 May 2005, 11:49 AM

Like I mentioned in last night post, this episode was hot. So much shit had happened, storyline jumped around like crazy, there were plenty intense moments, and while camp level remained the same, there were few good dramatic scenes blended in, and they worked.

Hour begins with Chloe coming back to CTU after successgully destroying the Chloenator. But she not sure about her feeling, and has a little counciling session with ever helpful Edgar. Chloe's best line of the hour was "I dont feel anything. Is this normal? Am I turning into Psycho?"

Yes, you do my dear Chloe, either that, or you turning into Jack

It takes Palmer about 20 minutes to arrive to presidential bunker. So this means that he either was hanging around DC, or US goverment has some undisclosed super technology that can almost instantly transport people around the country. I more think in the favor of the first possibility, and with Palmer living in DC, I am sure that the number of Allstar customers grew quite a bit with him pitching it in. After all, "Are YOU in Good Hands?"

Anyway, Palmer meets with his good old buddy Aaron, who's still running security detail for president. Presidents come and go, and Aaron stays the same. Palmer has nice chat with the guy, and I liked this scene quite a bit. Nice trip down the memory lane, remembering all the good times these two went through during Seasons 2 & 3.

Pussy Logan meets with Palmer, and practically begs for him to take the reigns of "Lost Nuke" operation, while he will go and work on his morning speech. Since Keeler is still in the coma, Logan is all on his own. I wonder if Logan also has young, enthusiastic son, who he call in to help him out writing a speech.

Palmer doesnt waste any time, and gets directly to business, the only way that he can. Within minutes, he organizes the plan how to efficiently work CTU and other goverment agencies, and with the perfect timing CTU gets the laptop of the terrorist boyfriend in, Edgar & Chloe duo work their magic, and CTU learns about the link to this elusive chineese nuke scientist. Quick search on the guy's profile, reveals that he might be hiding in Chinesse consulate. Jack doesnt waste any time, and organizes the team, with Curtis, interpeter and a driver.

Palmer calls Jack, and that was another favorite scene of the night. These two share so much history in the past 4 years, and work great together. Neither wastes time, and get to the point on the matters. Palmer asks Jack, if he's sure that scientist has connection to ever elusive Mummy, and as Jack confirms it, makes up the off the book, covert op plan to storm in Consulate, and get the scientist out for questioning.

Chinese goverment machine is not working fast enough, and CTU can not affor wasting more time than they already did today.

Meanwhile horseface Audrey, is spending the night at the bedside of her poor husband. CTU doctor tells her, that Paul is getting a bit better (which always an ominous sign), and she tries to pull some of her high connection strings, so she can take her husband on "magic carpet ride" to Boston, or where ever else she wants to bring him, so they can work on his fucked up spine. Turning all teary eyed, she informs Paul that she wants to come with him, because he's so brave and all. That pretty much puts a big red X on Jack & Audrey Kissing in the Tree movement. Jack decides to stop by to see how's Paul doing, before leaving for another potentially suicidal mission, that goverment will deny, runs in, sees Audrey moping next to Paul's still alive body, and goes into "apologizing, soft Jack" mode. Why dont you ask for forgiveness about electrecuting Paul ealier, while you at, huh Jack?

We also see the re-appareance of another 24 character that we havent seen in a while, Tony's present time girlfriend, or "woman that I am presently living with and who was there for me". how Tony refers to her. Lucky Jen, gets right to Michelle, who answers the phone, and sparks fly in the night air. Girls get pissy, and Tony rushes to explain, that he only fucks the girl, and not loves her. Good one Tony, that will convinve her.

Surprisingly there were NO apperance of Marwan or his terrorist buddies this episode whatsover !!!!! Unbelievable, but true. Well, except for us being forced to listen to Mummy's Evil TV Speech over again, as CTU replays the tape. Thanks god they spared us, from seeing it even more, when they relayed it to Palmer. CTU learns that terrorists will "probably" detonate the nuke before dawn, they used their cpu resources to find a 24 Season 4 script, that was leaked on internet and learned the fine details.

Palmer calls Chineese consul again, but still cant get definitive answer. He understands that there are no more time to waste, he calls Jack, and gives the order to start the Metal Gear Bauer: Chineese Mission.

Jack pulls out his trusty ski mask, that he carries around, and which can be quite useful in many of real life situations, from holding up occasional gas station, to midnight assaults on consulates of foreign countrie. Since I already used up Camo jock last week, Jack decides to help me out, and wear simple, black on black ensample, ala Sam Fisher, minus Three Eye Night Vision Gear, since Jack is da real man, and doesnt need that pussy gear.

Jack calls Tony, and clues him in, about the nature of the show, and gets his support and great Satellite rates and coverage. Jack uses his Lockpicking skills 300, and opens the side door of the consulate. Other than occasional patrolling guard, there are no one around, so Jack doesnt even bother to use Stealth. He sneaks in the to holding room, and takes out 2 guards with his dart gun, does some Jack-fu on the guard inside, slightly KOs the scientist, and rushes out. Offcourse, Vanish doesnt work, and multiple guards zero in on Jack's tail guns blazing.

At that point, I started laughing uncontrollably since, Jack's decision on carrying "immensely important target" on his shoulders, while his victim wearing WHITE shirt, while Jack is in all BLACK, and multiple guards firing countless rounds at them, was the peak of ingeniousity. One disturbed Chineese consil ran out, and was promptly shot down by his own man. Now that was just awesome. Didnt anyone ever taught him that running into the line of direct fire can be hazardous to his health?

Anyway, Curtis also dressed in camo rushes out of getaway van, and get some action for himself, as he does his facy Curtis patented battle moves on couple unfortunate guards. Then everyone gets inside the van and rush back to CTU.

At CTU trouble brewes again. I warned in the past updates, that it is only a matter of time, before CTU Medical team will strike again, and that prediction comes true. Paul suddenly goes into shock, and rushed back into surgery room. Poor Audrey screaming "No" "No" runs after them.

This brings an important question, isnt Audrey supposed to be "working" instead of hanging around her ex? And if not, when did she was ordered, or made the decision to quit? Also where the HELL is her Daddy? I mean, Heller was running the shit at CTU for the first half of the season, and now just GONE???

Anyway, in the van, Jack and co, are working their magic on poor little chineese scientist. Apparentaly, poor guy WAS SHOT !! In what looks like Ass at that. No shit. So Jack gets to play Doctor. I think that it would be awesome idea for a crossover show. Fox should do a spin off of 24 and House, so you could see Jack moonlighing occasionally as ER doc, when terrorists are not busy attacking the US. That would be the blast.

Jack stabs poor guys ass, with syringe full of painkillers, and beging questioning. Since guy doesnt speak English, nor Jack speak Chineese, interpeter becomes handy. Guy demands presidential guaranty of safety before he can tell all the truth about his and Marwan secret love affair. Jack, Palmer and Logan work together and get the needed papers, when stupid scientis decides that its a good time for some internal bleeding. And he promply goes into uncouncious state. Only thing is left is to rush him to CTU medical.

Which at that time is being occupied by Paul's yet alive body.

Buchanan learns about shooting incident, and goes after Tony, superceeding his authority. Tony talks back, and mentions that Buchanan is also pissed because Michell didnt want to put out, all because of the fact that she still loves Tony, deep in her heart.

Palmer gets a call from the "replacement" Chineese consul, and Chinesees are royally pissed off about the shit that happened. Palmer promises a very deep investigation, and then shares news with Mike Novick, conveying the level of shit they are in.

And then most riveting 5 minutes of this season begin.

What do you do, when you have only one doc and 2 dying patience. Thats the choice Jack has to make. On one side is whiny but herioc ex of your gf, on the other side, the only lead to Marwan. Oh well, fuck the ex. Sorry Paul, thanks for taking the bullet and all shit, but you are dead meet anyway. Plus I sense that that bitch Audrey betrayed me with you, so it will teach her. The crue way God does things sometimes.

Jack forces the doc to start working on scientist, while Paul is slips into cardiac arrest. Jack waits a little bit, while Audrey rage meeter builds up, and then decided, that it's time to play doctor again. Curtis is eager to help out. Since Jack cant find another lamp that he can break for Paul electrecution session #2, he has to use conventional methodes. He charges in, but since last time Paul apparently grew resistance to electricity, so it does no good. Jack then starts pounding on Pauls chest, with last hope to either completely liquify poor guys internal organs, or to bring him back to the land of the living. But since Paul already cashed his last paycheck, he is a gonner.

Audrey goes into even greater rage, and Jack stands there, clearly fumbled by his suddenly re-emerged councience, and weight of choices that he had made. Doctor tells him that scientist is somewhat stable, but Jack is just stands there.

I was waiting for writers to off Paul, and it finally happed, but I wish writers also had balls to finish Keeler as well, and not give us a come copout. Last 5 or so minutes were both funny and dramatic, and returned 24 on top of its game, at least for the time being.

With just 3 more episodes to go, things are getting white hot, and next week promises even more shit to hit the fan.

One last question, that I have been asking for last 5 FIVE !!! consequitive weeks now. Where the FUCK is Berooz???

**Despair** · 03 May 2005, 01:01 PM

More stuff:

"Hey, Chloe, glad to see you're not hurt. Are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine. It's funny, though, I didn't even feel anything when I put thirty-seven rounds into that guy's face. And I'm usually, you know, so sensitive.

"Um, yeah. If there's anything you've established in your time here, it's how sensitive you are. Maybe it'll all hit you in a day or two, and you'll be even more bowel-boilingly-insufferable than you are now."

"God, I hope so!"

--------------------

"Jack, looks like the diplomatic route is gonna take too long. Could you single-handedly break into the heavily guarded Chinese Consulate and forcibly kidnap this Asian National for us? We've got a copy of an AIM chat log that proves his guilt beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"Do I get to torture him?"

"Easy, big fella. First things first. You've played Splinter Cell, right?"

"Of course. Pretty good game. Not enough torture. You seen that new Punisher release? Now THAT one's got--"

"Focus, Jack! We don't have much time!"

--------------------

"Michelle, I'm sorry I didn't tell you that I was living with someone. I must have been distracted by this incessant barrage of deadly terrorist activity today."

"Don't let it happen again, loser. If we can't discuss our tired emotional baggage during a national crisis, when can we?"

--------------------

"Ok Jack, you're in. Good thing they don't have a porch light on the Chinese consulate, eh?"

"No shit. So, where is this scumbag, anyway?"

"Well, I've got a bunch of red blips on my overhead, God's-eye-view infra-red sattelite image, which I've overlayed on a three-dimensional floor layout of the consulate that we just happened to have here. The infra-red image is giving me real-time feedback on the location of every warm body in the building, and I've coded your avatar to show up in green, so it's less confusing."

"So where is he?"

"I dunno. But there's movement on the third floor, so for some reason we'll just assume that's him."

"Ok, fine. Now, I press and hold the Y button to scale this wall, right?"

"Huh? The Y button? Oh my god, you're running the Xbox version! We're using the pc version on this end! They're incompatible! ABORT! ABORT!"

-------------------

"Come in Jack! What happened? Did you get our man?"

"Well, I've got some good news, and some bad news..."

-------------------

"Ok Doc, stop what you're doing NOW! I need you to save this guy's life! He has information we need STAT!"

"Um, you realize if I operate, he's gonna be unconscious for hours, right? And you realize Los Angeles has dozens of fully functioning hospitals, right?"

"QUIT DISTRACTING ME!"

"By the way, that guy who saved your life? He's dying over there."

"No problem, I know how to perform tortu, eh, er, I mean CPR."

<death rattle>

"Was that good for you?"