I HATE SPIDERS! :(

**napalm** · 10 Mar 2005, 10:04 PM

That picture of the banana spider is... fuck, just fuck. If I was ever running threw a forest and got one of those things on me I'd never sleep again.

One time when I was 12 or so, I was peacefully watching cartoon cartoon friday (score!) with a blanket over myself, very content. Next thing I know this huge ass fucking brown spider (read: the harmless spiders that live in your house) crawls up the fucking blanket at the speed of light and I flipped out. I jumped up, threw the blanket off myself and then ran around my house ripping off all my clothes to make sure the spider wasnt on me. Fuck I hate spiders.

Whenever I see a spider nowadays I usually throw some dirty laundry at it to get it off the wall/ceiling and then crush it with the nearest thing I can find.

**Jetman** · 10 Mar 2005, 10:41 PM

I have spider stories,I wasnt going to tell but, might as well - that's what this place is for.

Florida as we all know by now is the haven for all things deadly with 8 legs.My old apartment in Panama City was infested, INFESTED with some of the biggest hairiest kinds of Spiders in Florida that I've ever seen.They were about the size of the bananas,but didnt have the big-ass legs(I just did a search on spiders in Florida and didnt see it at all - looked kind of like a chilean recluse only bigger and hairy,so I dont know what the hell it is).

These things were agressive and would fucking CHASE you (yes, fuck off, I ran from them - you would too).
One of them was on the bottom of my stairwell one night - thank God I had the light on because he stood out like a pink flower at a Goth convention.I had some Raid Spider killer reserved in both bathrooms up and downstairs for such an occasion. I get the upstairs bottle and fucking let him have it.It doesnt move for a second then it runs right at me. I run upstairs get to the top and dont see anything because it blends in with the carpeting (FUCK!) so I mist the whole stairwell with Raid, and then i see him running up the stairs towards me. I've never heard of spiders ever doing that here in America.Anyways, I keep spraying , he keeps coming all the way to the top, and finally I just say, to Hell with it and do a flying stomp from the top of my washer/dryer combo(on which I jumped on top of when it got closer) and splatter him at the top of the stairs.Afer that I left for the night as I was almost ready to pass out from all the damn Raid in the house. I swear the Raid would've ended up taking me out before the spider if I'd have been in there any longer.

I had other run-ins with his buddies and sprayed them all at point blank with the Raid, and it didnt affect them one bit

(yes, they chased me too, my thick-ass phonebook became 'Ye Old Faithful Spider Killer' in those dark days)

This apartment was so bad with these things to the point that they would just randomly pop up in your lap to say 'hello' at the most inopurtune of times.To which I would usually freeze like a rock,hold my breath, then break into a complete spasm of chaos to fling the spider from me.

I know,I know.Respect for Jetman - 100

**Thief Silver** · 10 Mar 2005, 10:45 PM

Ugh that scared me just thinking about it.

**Rich** · 10 Mar 2005, 10:58 PM

Jetman, I would have to move out. I wouldn't be able to deal with that shit. Did oyu ever get bit by one of them?

I've got arachnaphobia and I've never even been bit. Knock on wood.

**Jetman** · 10 Mar 2005, 11:03 PM

Originally Posted by Thief~Silver

Ugh that scared me just thinking about it.

Yeah, pray you dont come into contact with these things.

The only other spider, I've heard of that chases you like these is the Camel Spider in the desert out in Saudi/Iraq/etc.

Stories between military folk who've had time in the desert are far and wide about these things.
One that I've heard a lot of is about a troop who didnt check his boots after getting up one morning.Apparently,a smaller one of these was inside his boot,and he went the whole day without knowing it,but his toes and part of his feet felt really numb for some reason.When he retires for the night and takes his boot off, close to three of his toes are chewed off (bone still there of course,but supposedely where his toes were was just a big bloody mass). I guess the spider was still in his boot, as the med.techs and the guy's buddies found it still chillin in the guy's boot.
The only way to explain this is that the Camel Spiders have a numbing toxin that they usually use to feed on Camel bellies(yes they JUMP high enough to reach a Camel's belly! and they run 10MPH). Meet my worst fear and mortal enemy:

pretty soon an Alien Queen will spawn in the desertand turn Iran and Iraq into her own HIVE

**Thief Silver** · 10 Mar 2005, 11:06 PM

I hate you so much right now due to this uncontrollable *Shudder* I have now >.<

**Tain** · 10 Mar 2005, 11:07 PM

I let them hang out in my plants and the corners of my room. We have an agreement.

The funny thing is, immediately before seeing this thread, I finished writing a Language Arts paper about an agreement I had with a spider that's been chilling in my shower.

FUCK.

I run upstairs get to the top and dont see anything because it blends in with the carpeting (FUCK!) so I mist the whole stairwell with Raid, and then i see him running up the stairs towards me.

FUCK.

Apparently,a smaller one of these was inside his boot,and he went the whole day without knowing it,but his toes and part of his feet felt really numb for some reason.When he retires for the night and takes his boot off, close to three of his toes are chewed off (bone still there of course,but supposedely where his toes were was just a big bloody mass). I guess the spider was still in his boot, as the med.techs and the guy's buddies found it still chillin in the guy's boot.

FUCK.

**Jetman** · 10 Mar 2005, 11:08 PM

Originally Posted by Rich

Jetman, I would have to move out. I wouldn't be able to deal with that shit. Did oyu ever get bit by one of them?

I've got arachnaphobia and I've never even been bit. Knock on wood.

Yeah, I've moved out since, Thank God. There was an attic in that place I could never get into (nailed shut) and I just visualized it being full of mutant hairy recluses. Never got bit. My freeze, then freak out tactic worked surprisingly well at keeping them from biting me.

I'm rethinking Dolemites rumor about spiders crawling down your throat at night, and I'd be lying if I said the thought didnt bother me right now