My Dad Screwed My Mom Over

[Calliander]

Well, I found out about this last weekend but I've been so freaking busy at work this week that I didn't really have time to rant about it until now. In any event, my father pulled the most messed-up move I've ever heard of on my mother, screwing her (and my sister, not that I care about her particularly) over. I posted it on the site that my buddies and I rant on, so Stone might have already seen this, but I figured I'd get TNL's opinions.

So back around November, my father received a call about my grandmother: she'd had some sort of accident, was in the hospital, was ill, whatnot. My grandfather passed away several years ago from lung cancer and my grandmother has been fine, but she's getting up there in years so the news naturally worried my father. He took a few weeks off of work and went to make sure everything was okay, prepared for the worst.

He came back home in January, but he needed to go back because Grandma needed constant supervision since the doctors said she had a very minor ALS affliction. My aunt and uncle-in-law are very busy people and would not be able to watch over her, but the doctors were confident that she would be okay in a few months. So my dad was going to take leave from work and spend a few months there taking care of my grandmother. She had lost her memory and only knew my father and aunt any more.

My dad needed some money since he wouldn't be working. My mother needed money since she has household repairs and whatnot. Since interest rates are still pretty low, she consulted with my dad about refinancing the house. She didn't want to do it if he wasn't coming back, but he promised her that he would come back and that he'd help her make double payments on the refi. So, my mom refi'd the house for 50k and my dad went to Utah.

About a month ago, I received an odd call - it was my aunt and uncle-in-law who were at Disneyland and decided to give me a ring. Now, I love my family, and it's great to spend time with them when I visit, but never once has my aunt found occasion to call me. After very quickly finding out how I was, she proceeded to tell me about how healthy my father was looking and how they loved having him home; as though she were pitching a TV show to me or something. My aunt has always been nagging my dad to ditch my mom and move back home, so that's the usual rap from her. However, I had no idea why she needed to call me to tell me that.

So last weekend, my dad called my mom to inform her that he was staying in Utah. He's going to buy my uncle-in-law's business - something having to do with vending machines - and live there. Remember the part about my mom refinancing the house? Well, now she's stuck with it and solely with my pain-in-the-ass sister.

I've never been as close as I should have been to my father, but in the past few years I'd been spending time with him and whatnot. I've always respected his service in Vietnam and his handling of my mom, but this is just terrible. I don't know how he could do something like this. I'm pretty sure that my aunt nagged him until he gave in, but that's not cool. Even if he has no feelings for my mother, he ought to at least think of my sister, who needs him. I may be independent but my sister will be dependent on someone her whole life.

In addition, my aunt is the breadwinner. My uncle's business is just filler, and I don't see how he could make any money stocking or selling vending machines or whatever it is he does. My dad seems convinced he'll be making 200k a year, it sounds like a pipe dream to me.

I gave my dad a ring last weekend at my aunt's home. My grandmother answered the phone. When I asked to speak to my dad she said, "He's not here. Is this Michael?" She recognized me immediately and asked how things were doing in California and how Sapphire was doing. In addition, she was home alone - my father, aunt and uncle had left her home by herself. Anyway, my grandma took my number and said she'd have my dad call me. He never did.

So, tomorrow, I've got to call again and hope I get ahold of him. I have no idea what to say to him. It's pretty obvious that the whole situation with my grandmother was overblown to get my dad out there and then wrangle him to stay. It's not cool at all. Thoughts?

[Rhydant]

Wow. I'm sorry to hear that, Mike.

You need to drive up to Utah and kick your dad's ass for being such a bastard. THats a real shitty thing to do.

[station82o]

yeah your dad needs a wake up call - not cool at all. Good luck with everything.

[MechDeus]

So your dad left to help your grandmother and just decided to not return and not help with the money he borrowed? You need to talk with him, although it seems there's no perfect way to do it. If a huge part of it is indeed your aunt messing with his head then you really need to find some way to talk to your dad alone and figure out what's going on and what he's doing (which means away from the people he'll probably be near while on the phone). The problem as it seems to me is that you've got a family member pressuring another family member to do something that really isn't any of their business, and that sort of thing tends to screw with people and loyalties and can really drive some families apart.

I'm not saying that what your father's doing is cool or anything, but it sounds to me that while he needs to be straightened out and told that he needs to clean up his messes, the fault may not be all his. Intense pressure from manipulating family members is a dangerous thing.

You should ask your dad what he's going to do about the money and when/if he's coming back, and it sounds like you also need to talk to your aunt because something funny's going on there. I'm guessing your grandmother is now okay?

[Calliander]

You should ask your dad what he's going to do about the money and when/if he's coming back, and it sounds like you also need to talk to your aunt because something funny's going on there. I'm guessing your grandmother is now okay?

That's what I was planning on asking him, but I have no idea what to do about my aunt. And I don't think my grandmother was ever really sick or anything to get better, she probably just had a small incident and they blew it up, you know?

[MechDeus]

That's what I was planning on asking him, but I have no idea what to do about my aunt.

Well, unfortunately there may not be anything you can do and trying to do anything might just result in a full-blown family split (as in, people no longer playing nice with each other). That's what ended up happening to my family after my mom finally confronted her ever-controlling mother, and while I pretty much landed on the sidelines things aren't pretty between certain relatives.

But see if you can get any info from your dad regarding the whole situation and why exactly he decided to stay out there (if possible) and if any "leads" present themselves take them up with your aunt. I would say if at possible don't worry about pitting your dad and aunt against each other if one of them says something that might lead to answers from the other. Well, that sounds a lot harsher than I mean, but pretty much what I'm saying is don't hold back in getting info just because it might mean that one of them says something that will hurt the other (as in: if your dad says anything about your aunt pressuring him to leave your mom, use that line on your aunt and say it's from dad to find out what the hell's going on).

And I don't think my grandmother was ever really sick or anything to get better, she probably just had a small incident and they blew it up, you know?

Have you asked her about it? If she really had nothing go on than this whole thing is even worse because that means he took money from your mom for the sole purpose of leaving her, and that's just fucked up. I thought you meant she still had some issues, they just weren't huge and got pumped up, but if she either didn't have anything wrong or it was miniscule like having a cold than your dad's a straight up ass (if you don't mind me saying so).

[voltz]

For the most part, your aunt is having a relationship with him and he's convinced he has nothing futher to do with any of you.

That's just my guess btw.

You seriously need to confront him over this, find out his work place, address and pop in for a visit. Its the only way you're gonna resolve anything.

[Drewbacca]

This is why guns were made.

[Rumpy]

So it's your dad's mother (and possibly father) who are on some kind of power trip? That's just aggrivating, I hate people like that. I hope you find out some answers and you can put this mess behind you.

Reminds me of how the roomates of one of my best friends are the most inconsiderate and disrespectful people on the planet. Scum bags come in all shapes, sizes and age.

[Error]

This is why guns were made.

Hell its Utah right, it might even be legal.