The Divorce Thread

[Cowutopia]

I am at the very beginning of the end here. I look forward to the shit storm that will soon occur.

Pretty much in the same boat. No sex after the kid. Not on the pill anymore cause there is no sex. I tried to have conversations and talk through it but my wife won't let go of the past. So at this point we pretty much hate each other. It's fun.

Didn't you just get married like this year?

[haohmaru]

I am at the very beginning of the end here. I look forward to the shit storm that will soon occur.

Pretty much in the same boat. No sex after the kid. Not on the pill anymore cause there is no sex. I tried to have conversations and talk through it but my wife won't let go of the past. So at this point we pretty much hate each other. It's fun.

Her libido won't change through conversation. See a therapist or jump off the boat. It's likely that (as unfortunate as it is to say this) you're only prolonging the agony. If I learned anything throughout my years long ordeal it this:

1: If there is no sex and you've tried conversations (as bad as it gets when you're a guy) to try to reverse it, then the problem lies with her.
2: You can choose to live a life lying next to someone that wants nothing to do with you for the sake of the kid. Odds are that your bitterness and resentment will grow and your relationship will deteriorate further.
3: Get her ass to therapy. If she really cares about you and really has no sex drive, then she needs to talk to someone either mutually or alone to try to get back on track. Your opinion means shit. Someone else's might open her eyes.
4: You don't deserve to feel unwanted. I wasted many years struggling with this for the sake of family, the kids, and everything else. I'd give as much money as I could to have those years back. She's one woman. There are millions more. Be the best father that you can be and be satisfied with that. Your obligation lies with your child, not with the emotional wreck that's lying next to you who, seemingly, doesn't want to work things out or acknowledge the fact that you, indeed, have needs too.

[Fe 26]

I tried to have conversations and talk through it but my wife won't let go of the past.

what is in the past to not let go of? You had a kid, there must have been sex in the past.

[nameless_one]

Sorry had to run some errands, so I disappeared for a bit.

I have been married for over 3 and half years now. And once the kid showed up the sex drive dropped off the map. That in itself is not really the bad part. I mean it sucks not being intimate but my wife has major insecurities and family problems.

She is Filipino and her family is very controlling, like a lot of Filipino families. While she was growing up they always controlled her life and snooped in to everything she did. Part of our problem that we have is trust. She interprets everything I do as snooping, judging or controlling her. I try to tell her otherwise but she constantly bombards me with accusations no matter what I do. What eventually happens is that I become quite frustrated and annoyed from not being heard and I run my mouth off and same some stupid hurtful shit. I don't think I snoop at all, I try to do the exact opposite and not ask questions about what she does or where she is going to respect her privacy.

A recent example of this would be that she recently started work and has been much more busy than she was use to being. She use to spend a lot of time talking to her friends on aim/yahoo who are in Europe. So I said to her one day when driving her home from work, " How are your friends doing, I know you have not had a lot of time to talk to them lately since you started work." it seems an innocent enough question to me. But she than says to me that," how do you know I have not been talking to my friends, have you been reading my chat logs or something?" And this type of questioning goes on and on until I snap at her and say something stupid.

That pretty much entails how most of our fights start. I try as best to avoid it and communicate what I actually mean when I say something. But she does not believe a word I say and persists until I become upset.

Even when I try to mend things and get close to her she can not forgive the things that I have said to her during fights. I like to think that we both say our fair share of wrong things when we fight and I am willing to forgive and look past them but she is not willing to do the same. In her mind she is unable to get close to someone unless things are perfect between the two of them.

Whats funny is that she still says she wants to work on it but her words do not reflect her actions. I think that she is just afraid of the unknown and what things will be like if I leave. We are just on two different wavelengths and just having a conversation at this point is like tip toeing on glass.

Recently I have realized how unhappy I am with her and how, as hard as we have tried, things are not going to change.

I guess one of my biggest issues with her is how oblivious she is to what I do sometimes. I was so happy when she decided to start working because I was hoping that she could start contributing to the bills of our home. When I had uttered those words she became quite upset and said that the money she was earning was going to be just for her and that she was going to start up her own bank account to put it in. To me I had never heard a more selfish thing in my entire life. I have been supporting her since we got married, paying for rent, bills, and her education. For her to than say that she was not going to contribute money to our family was probably the point at which I realized that I could not be with her anymore.

I know it might sound silly but to me the most important part of a relationship is being able to have genuine conversations with each other and that is just something we can not do.

I could probably go on and on and on, but I won't.

[Fe 26]

I'd either

A) deal with it and live a life of being married to a child bitch
B) tell her that the two of you are going to get counseling or you are going to leave
C) divorce

but I'm just a silly cocky non married guy, so take what i say with a grain of salt.

btw, I really don't understand how not having sex does not bother some women. I've had a loss of libido because of work related stress and extended sleep deprivation and it really really bothered me.

[haohmaru]

I guess one of my biggest issues with her is how oblivious she is to what I do sometimes. I was so happy when she decided to start working because I was hoping that she could start contributing to the bills of our home. When I had uttered those words she became quite upset and said that the money she was earning was going to be just for her and that she was going to start up her own bank account to put it in. To me I had never heard a more selfish thing in my entire life. I have been supporting her since we got married, paying for rent, bills, and her education. For her to than say that she was not going to contribute money to our family was probably the point at which I realized that I could not be with her anymore.

Wow. Sounds like my married life. Truthfully, everything that I did was with good intentions and what I think most women would appreciate. Somehow, however, there was fault found in even the most noblest (?) of actions and it would somehow get turned around to being a negative. And I mean everything, or so it seemed.

The truth is that you married the same selfish shameless bitch that I did. I wish you luck over the next few years as it seems they are going to be difficult. But, never, EVER, try to stay in it for the sake of the kid. Kids adjust and are very resilient. Don't make the same mistake that many of us have and keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, it's not going to happen. When a woman gets to the point of viewing everything that you do negatively, there is no escape.

[bbobb]

I guess one of my biggest issues with her is how oblivious she is to what I do sometimes. I was so happy when she decided to start working because I was hoping that she could start contributing to the bills of our home. When I had uttered those words she became quite upset and said that the money she was earning was going to be just for her and that she was going to start up her own bank account to put it in. To me I had never heard a more selfish thing in my entire life. I have been supporting her since we got married, paying for rent, bills, and her education. For her to than say that she was not going to contribute money to our family was probably the point at which I realized that I could not be with her anymore.

It's done. Get the fuck out right now. If I was married to a girl and heard that I'd freak the fuck out on her.

[BonusKun]

BK is gay now?



Also, I think that is the finest post Mo7's has ever made.

No, I think I was trying to say that if you're going to respect your dick to stick it in some bitch's pussy at least be sure that said bitch won't try to take your dick along with your wallet, pride and freedom in the process.

Case in point after reading shit like this..

When I had uttered those words she became quite upset and said that the money she was earning was going to be just for her and that she was going to start up her own bank account to put it in.

I'd be like, Ok you know what? You can go out on your own then and pay rent for your own damn place seeing as making me pay for everything we share is so important to you. No offense dude but fuck your wife.

I have 0 patience for people not wanting to earn their keep..

Ya'll can have your relationships...I'm perfectly happy alone...

[Regus]

I guess one of my biggest issues with her is how oblivious she is to what I do sometimes. I was so happy when she decided to start working because I was hoping that she could start contributing to the bills of our home. When I had uttered those words she became quite upset and said that the money she was earning was going to be just for her and that she was going to start up her own bank account to put it in. To me I had never heard a more selfish thing in my entire life. I have been supporting her since we got married, paying for rent, bills, and her education. For her to than say that she was not going to contribute money to our family was probably the point at which I realized that I could not be with her anymore.

My jaw dropped when I read this, I can only imagine what she would do if you tried to pull a stunt like like this. What did she say when you objected?

btw, this and the other relationship thread have been the best thing to pop up around here in a long time.

[Fe 26]

btw, this and the other relationship thread have been the best thing to pop up around here in a long time.

I'm really glad I made the marriage thread. My better judgement told me not to because lol TNL serious discussion and all that. But everything turned out surprisingly informative.

This is stuff young men really need to know about. And sadly we never get told because of the pride issue men and women have about sex and failed marriages. We are lucky haoh is so honest.