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I recommend listening to country/folk music while reading this thread. It makes it all better.
getting nailed in the nuts with a frozen street hockey ball was probably it for me. I remember I was down for quite a bit. However I guess the most painful thing was either when I got Mono and my throat was completely infected...you could look in my mouth and see walls of throbbing pus up and down my throat. I spent a month spitting into a bucket because swallowing was so painful..or when I tore a bunch of muscles in my abdomen and couldn't stand up.
When I broke my hand I played xbox with it broken, so meh.
When I got bit in the face by a dog it didn't really hurt so much as bleed.
I burned my hand once, that sucked. Burns are terrible, the pain never goes away.
Last edited by Cowutopia; 03 Oct 2007 at 02:55 PM.
I recommend listening to country/folk music while reading this thread. It makes it all better.
I took all your French Toast.
Only thing permanent is change
LOL... this sounds similar to my "Subway Shit" I took back in high school.Originally Posted by Josh
I worked at Subway, so I obviously ate a lot of their food. You want to know the cure for diarrhea is? Answer - eat Subway's white bread for 3 days straight. That stuff will make you constipated in no time.
While closing out my shift, I went to the bathroom to relieve the anal pressure building up in my ass, in hopes of expelling this thing from my body. The next 45 minutes were spent trying to get the thing out, but with no success. This situation required some serious firepower, so I went home and enlisted the help of my dad to go to the grocery store and buy me a suppository (I was 15 at the time and I couldn't drive).
So, with gel capsule in-hand, I did one of the more disgusting things in my life and manually inserted the suppository to lube up my ass for the impending child birth I was about to give. After a few minutes of holding the "loaf" in, I was ready. The next 30 minutes of my life gave me a newfound appreciation for what women go through during child birth.
After making myself light-headed and causing the veins in my neck and head to burst during my "push", the "baby" came out.
Dimensions of my shit "baby": at least 10 inches long (maybe bigger) and the diameter of a medium-sized cup or can of soda. That turd must have wieghed at least 2-3 lbs. There was a little bit of blood due to my ass literally being torn during the process and I was forced to sleep on my side for the next 2 days.
Since then, I have limited my Subway consumption considerably.
I have other painful injuries (broken nose 5x, many concussions, broken fingers, torn miniscus, sprained ACL/MCL, etc.) but nothing as entertaining as my Subway Shit.
"To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often." -- Winston Churchill
...
Ah so that's why you love the dick.
Can you dig it?
Dolemite, the Bad-Ass King of all Pimps and Hustlers
Gymkata: I mean look at da lil playah woblin his way into our hearts in the sig awwwwwww
Ya Skunt
Does this explain your avatar?
...
Yes, that is the turd in said story.
You win.
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Some fucking cocksucker in New York bumped into my sister and sent her tumbling down the escalator at Penn Station yesterday. Didn't even stop to see if she was okay. She has a concussion and some cuts, that's all thank god.
I'm not there and there's nothing I can do about it.
Sausage-in-training
ehem, I have a pretty good list of injuries, but a very high threshold for pain, so while most of my injuries may cause your typical pansy to cringe, they were mild discomforts to me.
scanning my memory banks for a good one...
- Ah-ha, just remembered my most painful injury: traded my snowboard equip with a skier friend for a few runs and his boots were a size too small. I squeezed into them and enjoyed a handful of runs bangin moguls and spinning helicoptors. My toes were sore but pretty much went numb I guess. So back in the lodge I pull the boots off and within a minute my left big toe is on fire. It was excruciating pain, and I had a friend drive my down to the ski patrol cabin. It was only a few minutes till we got there but by then my toenail was already being pushed off by the swelling purple blood-blister forming underneath the nail. The ski patrol guys sort of laughed in anquished nervous sympathy and that there was nothing they could do. One of them had personally experienced this and told me he had to take a small drill bit and slowly bore through the nail to then puncture the swollen toe with a needle and let the blood out (and he also said he passed out when the pressure was relieved). It took me hours to bare the pain and slowly scrape a hole in my toenail down to the skin. Trying to pucture the skin with a needle was unbearable and I ended up heating the needle red hot and burning through to relieve the pressure.
- Working with a neighbor reconstructing a stream bank: we were pivoting a large rock into place. The pivot point slipped out and pinched my finger between another rock. Screamed like a girl, saw stars, nauseous stomach, then passed out. Shatterd the bone in the tip of my middle finger and partially ripped the finger nail off.
- Climbing on a steep rockface, ascending through some dwarf evergreen trees on the slope. Looking down at my footing and then turning my head to look up at my next hand hold, a pine needle somehow gets behind my glasses and stabs me in the eye. My partners couldn't see anything in my eye, so I tried to convince myself it was going to be alright. This was also like 2 days before x-mas, after not sleeping and not being able to see straight I had to call my dad, sobbing from pain and exasperation, to come take me to the hospital. We spent most of x-mass eve in the ER waiting room, and turns out I had a scratched retina. Fucking most annoying injury ever!
- Steet skating in Baltimore, riding by a bus terminal and saw some metal grates on the road where the busses idle. I particularly like the rythms and vibrations of skating on different natural terrain, and from my angle the grate looked like it would give a nice vrrrmmb sound. So pushed toward it full speed and approached in a wheelie (manual). I didn't know wtf happened, but I got worked! the grate was large holed and swallowed my wheels whole. The large holes also tore nasty holes in my skin. Ripped my palm open, tore my shirt and my shoulder open, and bruised the fuck out of my hip. Walking home, blood pouring from my hand, had to stop a few times and reorient as i was seeing stars and kept almost passing out. My stupidest and worst skating injury.
- Skating Owls Head Park in Brooklyn: went mach speed into the bowl corner into a 50-50 across the spine. My board blew out and droped me straight to my shin onto the metal spine. Shin was slit open down to the bone. The skin must have just splattered cause the ER doctor complained there was hardly enough left to pull together to stich-up. That one was more of a shock then pain. After passing out, falling over, and smacking the back of my head I came to full of adrenaline and didn't feel a thing.
- Generally bruises are more painful than cuts or breaks. Some favorites: repeatedly falling on the same elbow (swellbow) - to the point that I would lose feeling in my hand and fingers. And hipper - the old skateboarding classic: a black and blue hip is a painfull thing. Actually I had my worst hipper from falling on an ice boulder while snowboarding (could barely walk for a couple days).
And contrary to popular belief broken bones don't really hurt much (imo)
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