My First Mini-Comic

[Ozzie]

Alright, here is my first attempt at a mini-comic, called "The Intern."

I intern at a sports-talk radio station here South Florida, and I'm frequently asked about what goes on behind the scenes, so I thought it'd be fun to do a mini series based on what I do at work.

I've never tried to do anything like this, but hopefully I'll get better as time goes on.

[kingoffighters]

I like that angry red face. Nicely done.

[YellerDog]

Nice first attempt. Some constructive crit:

Try dropping the saturation down a LOT, or picking different colors.

You're getting a lot of blurry frames, due to either the line tool you're using or how you're resizing elements. That sucks, don't do it.

Could you have told the same story in four panels?

[FuryFox]

If you're going to repeat a frame, it's nice to add a little variety for the viewer. Since the character has simple features, you could make slight alterations to his face for repeated frames without too much trouble. In fact, given the style, you could have a whole vocabulary of faces that you just layer on top if you really want to cut down on drawing time.

YD is right in that there are too many frames for the nature of the gag. Thought balloons shouldn't be given to the caller, but a different type of balloon was a good idea (often square, "electric" balloons). The shadow he's casting on the wall behind would suggest that it's really close behind him; most people don't put their desks like that, but if you're crammed in some multi-user room, maybe that's how it is. Just something to watch.

The sequencing on the final page is confusing at the bottom. I don't know where to place that SLAM panel; it only makes sense after the "but it's okay" frame, but even then he already looks pretty pleased in the next one, not like someone that just slammed a phone down in irritation. Don't be afraid to layer panels or move them out of the grid to make it clear their order.

Overall, I'd say great start. Most of the art stuff is secondary to a good comic, I'd just work on being more concise.

[Thief Silver]

Also a lot of webcomics start out with bad art and it kind of grows over time (Which is honestly one of my favorite parts. Something about watching someone's abilities grow over the course of a project is really awesome)

[Ozzie]

Thanks for the awesome crit everyone. Everything you've all mentioned makes a lot of sense. I'm going to work on it.

I used a program I found called Comic Life to put the whole thing together after drawing the pictures in PS. While the program is definitely limited, it's all I could really find. Is there something else that I can use to make a comic-style page like these, or is putting something together in PS the best way?

edit: Conversely, I'm trying to cut the whole thing down into a one pager, but I'm having trouble deciding on how to do so while keeping the main idea of the story. Any suggestions?

[YellerDog]

I posted a video of a comic being put together in Manga Studio in time-lapse video thread, looks pretty solid. Go check out the comic it's referring to, "Octopus Pie", I like it a lot.

You could probably cut down to just "establish/setup/punchline" with what you've got. Kill the narration for the most part, and a lot of the "uh huh uh huh" business can go.


ref: http://www.the-nextlevel.com/board/s...1&postcount=12

[Pineapple]

What is kidnemo doing in as an intern?

[Ozzie]

What is kidnemo doing in as an intern?

I definitely got inspired from his drawings--kidnemo rocks! I actually always drew myself in this way, but I can totally see the resemblance now looking back.

I'm all self conscience about it now so I'm going to try a new style.

[Drewbacca]

I would definitely focus on streamlining the comic. This one could probably be told in 4 - 6 panels with the same efficiency (and less work on your part).

edit: Conversely, I'm trying to cut the whole thing down into a one pager, but I'm having trouble deciding on how to do so while keeping the main idea of the story. Any suggestions?

You need to deconstruct what you're trying to do in to the base story elements.

Phone rings > Guy picks up phone > Man says something dumb/asinine > Guy listens to rambling > Guy asks for man's name before going on air > Man phoned up for no reason and wastes interns time.

I'm sure you could streamline it even more. Cut out a lot of the chatter. Try dropping hints in the first panel that he works at a radio station (a fake megahertz address or a radio station name like THE ROCK would do). My webcomics have never been that successful but my art did improve over the course of 6 months so I'm sure that will just come with time and practice.