Read and Laugh - The Engrish edition :)

**Despair** · 28 Jun 2002, 02:25 PM

Well, Here we go

From a breakfast pastry package:
"Through years of experience, Doutor Danish is produced from the finest materials to create a happy time on tables."

From a box of ChocoBouchees, chocolate dessert cakes with vanilla icing (similar to Ding Dongs):
"Confidence of creating deliciousness. This tastiness can not be carried even by both hands."

A lunchbox:

Horoscope - "Pray to God for Mercy" (with pictures of the zodiac signs, including "cancar".)

I'll never forget the young lady in Yokohama wearing a sweatshirt with Santa Claus pictured on the front in living color, captioned:

"Fuck the old man with the beard".

Here's an example, from the manual for a Toho Denki (Matsushita) facsimile transmitter for
Wirephotos, which has stuck with me for almost 30 years:

"Care must be exorcised when handring Opiticar System as it is apts to be sticked by dusts and hand-fat."

Translation: "Keep your fingers off the lens."

I was in Bangkok, Thailand one day when I saw a beautiful young
woman wearing a T-shirt that read "I trusted the government, now
my dick glows in the dark"

The meaning of a roadsign, according to a book on driving in Japan which I once had:

"Road closed 50 meters ahead, except for bicycles, Sundays and national holidays."

At a supermarket with two doors at Azabu Juban 25 years ago. Door No. 1: "Entrance". Door No. 2: "Exitrance".

Hotel Guest Service Pamphlet:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

Hotel Rules, Japanese-Style:
"Depositing the room key into another person is prohibited."
--sign displayed in a Japanese hotel

Traffic Signs, Enigmatic Warnings Of:
"Cars will not have Intercourse on this Bridge."
--Tokyo traffic sign

Slogans, Japanese-Style:
"Now baby. Tonight I am feeling cool and hard boiled."
--slogan on a Japanese shopping bag

Road Signs, Inexplicable:
"Try Bigger and Bigger but keep More and More Slowly."
--Tokyo traffic sign

And, one of my favorites:

Medical Questionnaire, Japanese-Style:
"Are you haunted by horribles?
Do you ever run after your nose?
Does your nose choke?
Does your head or face or shoulder ever limp?
Has any part of your body suddenly grown uncontrollable?"
--questions on a Japanese medical form

Enjoy these, and I will be back with more

**Sataro** · 28 Jun 2002, 02:33 PM

Here's a link to the best engrish site ever!

-SNEAK PREVIEW-

**Cheebs** · 28 Jun 2002, 02:40 PM

Great stuff Despair!

**Josh** · 28 Jun 2002, 02:52 PM

Priceless...

**Despair** · 28 Jun 2002, 05:08 PM

Here are some more:

**Despair** · 28 Jun 2002, 05:47 PM

And here just few more:

On a blanket - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

On a shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids - LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

ANother classic Medical info for Pregnant Women:

1) Strain yourself or push at the time of contraction and two hours later a baby will come out.
2) A swell will be checked if there is, by pushing shin.
3) If your weight gains rapidly, it is a sign of swell or fatness.
4) If you pick up around your nipple come out 1 cm high, and it'll be alright.
5) You'd better begin your sexual intercourse after the delivery after the one mouth check-up with a doctor.
6) If you want to do a vowel movement don't stop.
7) After you vomit, you rinse your mouse and if you can eat, eat.
8) You can do ãfoo, fooä naturally when you open your mouth slightly.
9) Brasure can be for maternity one or nursing bra, so that your breast can't be oppressed.
10) There are many differences of ideas in family but she felt family bondage after delivery as a wife

**gameoverDude** · 29 Jun 2002, 03:34 AM

88 & Despair- great stuff.

Here are a few of my other favorites:

Violence Jack Off- a Japanese clothing store.

Hard-Off http://www.hardoff.co.jp/

"no one really goes to Aqua Bar for the drinks, but we make sure our drinks won't kill you. this is something you must remember."

"Finally, the office in which I was working had a set of
English instructions for the phone system that had been typed up by one of the Japanese in the office. At one point, the instructions were meant to include the sentence "Hook the phone," meaning (I assume) "hang up the phone."

The author of the instructions apparently didn't know how to spell "hook", so I suppose he tried to sound it out. There is no "hoo" sound in Japanese. The closest is something like "foo", which generally gets transliterated as "fu". As for the "k" sound, the author apparently decided that in this case "ck" was more likely to be correct than just "k".

So the end result of all this was that the instructions contained the
sentence "Fuck the phone." For the Americans in the office, it was good for about ten minutes of barely-contained laughter.

What a name for a restaurant.