Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

[Despair]

http://www.postmodernbarney.com/2009...lot-summaries/

Here are few faves:

TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.

ROBIN HOOD: Disgruntled veteran protests taxes.

PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.

POLTERGEIST: Pot-head parents lose child, ruin property values.

MILK: Uppity queer dies.

Wizard of Oz: Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again

TRANSPORTER: Repressed homosexual kills employers.

TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE: Tourists have difficulty with regional cuisine.

THE THING: Unexpected visitor imposes on workers, their dogs.

TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.

RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.

THE DARK KNIGHT: Rich man, clown, and lawyer attack Italians, Russians, and Chinese.

GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.

E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.

[Timber]

This is great, here are a few of my favs...

300: Gays kill blacks.

BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.

DEMOLITION MAN: In a future where crime is completely eradicated, a black man steals and murders.

DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.

JUNO: Teen fails to get abortion, ruins lives.

OBSERVE AND REPORT: Emotionally disturbed man gets woman drunk, rapes her.

ROAD HOUSE: Bouncer becomes vigilante, murders local businessman with karate.

THE GOONIES: Physically abused, retarded man finds love with overweight preteen.

[Despair]

Few more:

The Towering Inferno: People attacked by building

Dawn of the dead: Black friday sales proves irresistible to local populace

PRETTY WOMAN: Even whores can find love

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Idle rich male celebrates his brother’s violent death by dancing around in a train station.

GHOSTDOG: THE WAY OF THE SAMURAI: Fat black man kills white mobsters. Enjoys ice cream, dies.

SAW Series: Cancer patient attains greater self-expression through providing heartfelt moral guidance to his fellow citizens.

Ratatouille: Rodents contaminate restaurant.

[Space Pirate Roberts]

HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.

JURASSIC PARK: Theme park’s grand opening pushed back.

LABYRINTH: Girl is negligent baby-sitter.

LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK: American yahoo murders soldiers and desecrates religious artifacts for money.

ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.

ROCKY: White man beats black man.

SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.

SUPERMAN RETURNS: Illegal immigrant is deadbeat dad.

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.

TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.

V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.

WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.


ALIENS: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
ROSEMARY’S BABY: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.


CORALINE: Misfit discovers she is special person in a secret world just beside our own.
MIRRORMASK: Misfit discovers she is special person in secret world just beside our own.
NEVERWHERE: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.
STARDUST: Misfit discovers he is special person in secret world just beside our own.

[sedition]

Two Towers: Two gay midgets go right, everyone else goes left.

[Glass Joe]

DEEP THROAT: Medical anomaly earns woman new friends.