While applying body lotion on each other in front of their cottage fireplace, omgninjas and AFX discussed the year that had just passed. Sure, it makes for some strange pillow talk, but we're not one to judge someone based on their preference of life partners. We will say this though: Nintendo, we're sorry that omgninjas and AFX hate you so much.

omgninjas: Another year has passed with me playing nothing but Warcraft 3 everyday while being sorta kinda interested in anything else. However, that doesn't mean I'm not a total expert at everything ever, so I'm allowed to give awards out while you assume I've played through all of these games and have even a vague idea of what I'm talking about.

AFX: Also, this year I finally got into PC games, so you'll notice that I'll speak of a few PC games much the way a 12-year-old boy might speak about masturbating. It's something that I never knew I missed.

omgninjas: What a glorious year it's been. From Nintendo becoming the worst company in games and trying to press release us to death into thinking otherwise to Xbox Live actually being neat when I didn't think it would be, it's been a great year for crippling disappointment and awkward acceptance. Go 2003!

AFX: Yeah. I like my Xbox now. A lot. More than any other system actually. That makes me feel kind of funny. Xbox Live does rule, and that's a weird thing to say. Fortunately, my PS2 is back to collecting dust after breaking earlier on in the year. So my award for Best and Worst System That Was My First Ever System to Actually Break goes to... the PlayStation 2!

omgninjas: I can't say that I would agree with that award, considering I didn't touch my PS2 all year until the new WWE Smackdown game came out. I forget what the subtitle is, but it's probably something generic and aggressive like WWE Smackdown: You're My Girlfriend Now White Boy. So my award for the Only PS2 Game I Played This Year goes to WWE Smackdown: You're My Girlfriend Now White Boy.

AFX: Likewise. Although, I do have to give "SOCOM II: Why in the Hell Are You On My Side? Seriously, All You Ever Do is Walk in Front of Me and Get Shot and Alert Enemies" an honorable mention. I like that game. On a side note, my new PS2 is already starting to mess up, so 2004 might be another banner year for Sony.

As much as I like SOCOM II, though, my award for Best Use of a Headset in a Console Game goes to Links 2004. Calling someone gay during a relaxing game of golf never felt so, so right.

omgninjas: Speaking of gay, let's talk about Nintendo. While the GBA celebrated another port-filled year of anachronistic success, the GameCube did the same by offering the same N64 games we played five years ago except now they have anti-aliasing and nicer looking text. I can't help but think the GBA version of Super Mario Advance 4: Super Mario 3 improves more upon the original NES version than Super Mario Sunshine improved on Super Mario 64. So my award for You're Stupid goes to Nintendo. Do something cool again, you lazy douches.

AFX: No Animal Crossing this year, and no Metroid Prime. Did Nintendo release anything? Mario Kart: Double Dash!! is good enough, but it definitely earns my Worst Game of the Year To Have Thirty Battle Maps But Not One That Was Worth Playing award. I mean seriously, there isn't one good one in the game. I could have more fun tying three balloons to my waist, sitting in a wheelchair and having my friends throw letter openers at me. Terrible.

omgninjas: Actually there are only six battle maps, but there are thirty different ways that Double Dash!! is the most disappointing sequel of the year. Wind Waker isn't disappointing as much as it's more of the same with a two-year-old Link dressed up in cartoon clothes. The only good things Nintendo has done are Wario Ware and Mario & Luigi, the first of which is something brand-new and totally sweet, while the second is a sequel that actually improves upon the game that came before it instead of being the same damn game. Super Mario Sunshine is like Halo 2 if it came out with levels set only in Blood Gulch and Master Chief had a Toad-launcher strapped to his back. You're so gay, Nintendo

AFX: If Halo 2 had a Toad launcher, I wouldn't need another game ever. Wario Ware is and was the best thing Nintendo's done in a while. It's my Game of the Year Where You Have To Eat Stuff and Sniff Boogers Back Into a Chick's Nose. Mario & Luigi is the funniest game of the year. I'm not really sure why Nintendo feels the need to pander to everyone in their GameCube games when there's so much humor to be found. Oh yeah, it's because they suck and they love to disappoint me. If they were smart, they'd build on the tension between Mario and Luigi and turn Luigi into the villian in the next Mario game. That would sell consoles, especially if Luigi killed him.

omgninjas: Speaking of killing, I killed an entire Orc army yesterday in Warcraft 3 with just my Beastmaster and a few sorceresses. That's not because I rule, but because Blizzard hasn't patched the game in over five months. Do you remember when Blizzard used to balance their games and support them? Yeah, I'm trying to remember, too. My award for You're Stupid, Too goes to Blizzard for ruining their formerly stellar reputation for game support. The excuse that you're shifting employees around doesn't work either, because worse companies are making entire games in the time it takes you to adjust a few silly numbers.

AFX: I feel so betrayed. Everyone's letting me down this year. Except Remedy. Max Payne 2 was badass. They didn't change it too much, they just made it bloody and vulgar enough to make it one of my favorite games all year. It's still Max Payne, just better. So my award for This is How You Make a Goddamned Sequel, Nintendo goes to Remedy. My award for This is Not How You Make A Sequel, Nintendo goes to The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. You had me up until I had to sail. You really did.

omgninjas: There are two types of sequels: the kind that continues the first's successful formula and the kind that expands upon the first game to make the first game unnecessary. Nintendo likes to make the sequel that's worse than the original game. At least they have their own style.

AFX: Speaking of style, at least the Gamecube had Viewtiful Joe, which turned out 3,000 times better than it had any right to, since it was a Capcom game being made on a Nintendo console. I'm seriously speechless. It's a really, really good game... made by Capcom... on the GameCube. I'm so confused.

However, I'll still give Viewtiful Joe my Best Game of the Year That I Really Didn't Think I'd Like, But I Do and It Scares Me award.

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