South Park Rally is all about racing. Other than the setting of the popular animated series, no real story encompasses it (thank goodness), and the gameplay, while quite awful, does have some redeeming qualities. Instead of the standard 3-lap fare we've come to know in kart games, Rally has objectives that must be completed. Finish these tasks and place first to move on to the next track. The first track consists of racing past 4 checkpoints in order, for three laps. The interesting thing is that the checks are non-linear, so the whole track has to be traced back and forth. The next race puts a trophy on the course, and the goal is to grab it and run past four checkpoints. I found the idea of open races and objectives quite a change from other racers. Then the thought had occurred to me that SPR might turn into an arena-style game...too bad my apprehension came to life. Every subsequent track after the second set of combatants occurred in an arena scene, where some item (or set of items) was placed. The game turned into schoolyard tag with weapons - whoever was 'it' (or had the item) had to stay away from the competition, while finishing the race. Basically, this turned me off from any warm feelings I had for the game.

If the basic game was less than stellar, did the controls suffer the same fate? Sadly this was the case and gave SPR yet another black eye. Upon first playing, I thought the controls were quite floaty. Thinking that I just had to practice more, I forged ahead in the game. Yet it was hopeless; the controls were indeed cumbersome, and physics lacked any semblance of gravity. There are the acceleration, brake, and powerslide buttons, yet this basic configuration is worthless. Braking around turns loses too much ground and sliding cannot be done effectively. In fact, sliding will send karts off the track more than a person would hope. To top it off, basic steering is useless on sharp turns. What irked me was that South Park Rally's ideas were refreshing, and then became repetitive. To make things worse, the controls made placing first a chore. Slowly becoming devoid of any fun, SPR's other faults became all the more glaring.

The next flaw I can think of is the track design. As interesting as they seemed, tracks were very confusing and downright problematic. Each course is more difficult than the last, adding twists, turns, buildings, and other features to the terrain. What results are areas that can hardly be navigated; in fact, so much was littered on-screen, at times I found myself staring at the map to tell where I was. This often resulted in hitting something or winding up in a wall. Places such Big Gay Al's, the City, and the sewers are not as enjoyable as one would think when you can hardly gauge where you're going.

Then there are the characters and weapons, neither of which appealed to me. Each area tries real hard to capture the South Park magic. Acclaim makes an exceptional effort, but to the point where I can't call it humorous. The day I see a hooker as a weapon, giving Herpes to my opponent is the day I toss the game out the window. In fact, many weapons are tasteless; Mr. Hankey, vomit, explosive diarrhea, and fart turbos are just a few of the raunchy power-ups at the player's disposal. Too bad half of them are either useless or juts rip-offs from other weapons. As if this didn't bring the offending-meter up enough, characters are filled with one-liners of crass humor and foul language. Being a small-time fan of South Park, I laughed when I heard the samples for the first time. At around the twentieth occurence, I could only manage a sheepish smile. After hearing the same low-quality sound bite for the 100th time, consider the experienced KO'ed. So unless you are a hard-core fan of the TV show, the character appeal and humor will be lost very quickly.

The next nail in SPR's coffin is the graphics. I usually won't get bent over bad graphics as long as the game is good. Then again, South Park Rally is far from good so I shall rant. The models, tracks, weapons, characters, and user interface are beyond ugly. My guess is Acclaim wanted to keep the simplified look of the show but it didn't work out. What I'm left watching are pixilated textures, aliased edges, and blocky objects. Adding insult to injury, the interface (laps, map, etc.) blocks out a good portion of the screen. Watching it AND the on-screen action is almost impossible but necessary to do well in the later levels.

The last thing for me to gripe about is the music. All of the tunes are bland, repetitive, and not worth the soiling of your speakers. The first few are remixes of the show's theme, while the others are basic backbeats. The only aural grace would be the voices and sounds, but again, that's only if you're a big fan of the show.

In short, if you see this game anywhere, turn tail and run. What appeared to be a promising kart game turned out to be one letdown after another. For those into kart games, go out and get Mario Kart 64, or Diddy Kong Racing.If you like South Park, be sure to grab the first-person shooter developed by Iguana). Whatever the case, just leave this to gather dust on store shelves.

· · · Hero